He drives me crazy!

Old 08-02-2012, 03:41 PM
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He drives me crazy!

My husband and I have been separated since around March. He got a new girl friend on March 18th. This past Sunday was the first time that I had seen or heard from him in over 4 weeks. It was also the first time in over 4 weeks that he showed up to see our daughter. The whole time he was telling me how he wanted to come home and be a family. He said he was leaving his girlfriend. He apologized for making me support our family by myself. He says all this and part of my heart wants to forgive him and take him back but then I remember. He was just arrested for DUI a few weeks ago. If he cares so much about his family then why does he go 35 days without seeing his daughter. She was devastated because daddy said he was going to come see her and then he didn't show up. He has only been paying child support since the middle of April and he's almost $800 behind.

Our divorce will be final in 3 weeks and I think that will be a big step in my healing process. I feel like I am stuck. I am legally married to someone who is screwing someone else. He drives me crazy. I still love him and he knows that so he uses it against me. He kept touching me on Sunday and I told him to stop. His response was I know you like it I can see it in your face. I told him that it didn't matter that was not an option. My heart says take him back but my mind says keep putting one foot in front of the other in the direction you are going. I will continue to follow my mind one day hopefully my heart will catch on.
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Old 08-02-2012, 03:54 PM
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Hi wantinhope,

Sorry you needed to search out this forum but glad that you did. There are many helpful and compassionate people here.

Just want to say, go with your gut, not your heart. How long were you separated before he hooked up with someone? Did he even stop drinking? I'm sure from what you wrote that you don't really believe this would end anyway, even if you gave him another chance. He's playing you.

Once you are divorced, make sure that the state monitors the child support. Do not agree to let him send it to you. He's already behind.

Hugs
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Old 08-02-2012, 03:57 PM
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Wink

I have been divorced almost 2 years now and still hurts, the betrayal but most of all that I wasted 17 years of my life waiting for him to change to stop drinking, to notice me, to love me.
My life now is sooooooo wonderful and new and better, I would of never..ever could imagine I can be so free and serene without him in my life, the cravings are so much less and weak that I can go on without even thinking about him almost all day.
No way I want to go back to the madness, maybe your DD can go to alateen, it will really help her.
Be strong, you can believe the promises of al-anon, they are TRUE.
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Old 08-02-2012, 04:06 PM
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amy55 we had been separated a few weeks when they went Facebook official. So I am guessing the time period was even sooner then that and this was before we even went to court for a separation. So technically we were just living apart. His drug of choice is crack but he drinks also. He has not stopped drinking if anything he began drinking more since I made him move out. His girlfriend and him go out to bars all the time. She actually posted a picture of her self with a broken foot saying that she was clumsy and fell down the steps. After 8 years of living with him I know how abusive he is when he is high and drunk. If he would abuse his own wife and child he will abuse anyone. He pays child support through the courts already. I was able to get that once he was five days late which did not take long.
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Old 08-02-2012, 04:35 PM
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I am legally married to someone who is screwing someone else. He drives me crazy. ... He kept touching me on Sunday and I told him to stop. His response was I know you like it I can see it in your face.
He is just SICK.
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Old 08-02-2012, 04:40 PM
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and you are right, he will abuse her also.

I found out after I was divorced that my ex had a girlfriend for I don't know how long, and I don't even care. We were married for 27 years. He pulled that same stuff on me that yours pulled on you. My daughter was graduating college, my ex already filed for divorce, my daughter wanted us both at her graduation. I reluctantly agreed. I agreed only if he would sit on the other side of the stadium. Well lo, and behold, and I don't know how he did this, he came later than me, and I was in the middle of the aisle, with room all the way at the end, and he sat right next to be, and started to touch my knee.
Ignored that, then we went out to eat, I sat first, and somehow again, he ended up right next to me. yuck !!!!!!

Just also wanted to say, my heart wasn't in it either. I wanted him back the way he was, I didn't want the divorce. Always thought that things could work out, but he just got nastier and nastier.

With abuse sometimes its like the "kindling effect". Once they start something and it works, they will continue with that, if it stops working, they get worse. Also never fall for the hoovering (when they try to suck you back in like a vacuum cleaner).

Just wish him the best with the new gf, because it won't last long, and be thankful that it's not you.

More hugs, btdt, and I know how much it hurts

Edited to add------I don't know anything about crack addiction, but I do hear that it is one of the worst personality changing drugs. More people here can help you with that.
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Old 08-02-2012, 04:52 PM
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I have experience with a few guys with crack addiction and the things they did were absolutely disgusting.
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Old 08-02-2012, 05:43 PM
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Originally Posted by wantinhope View Post
He kept touching me on Sunday and I told him to stop. His response was I know you like it I can see it in your face. I told him that it didn't matter that was not an option.
Sorry but he sounds creepy, and he has another woman too. Ick! Keep stepping forward. Drugs aside... He cheats and makes it public, abandoned you and your child, neglects his child emotionally and financially, violates your physical boundaries and was recently arrested. Keep stepping! Your heart will mend. Seek counseling because there is something inside you that keeps telling yourself that this behavior from him is worthy of love and that it's ok to be treated this way. Believe me I say this as someone who is on the same path. Be strong, keep coming back and welcome to the forum!
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Old 08-02-2012, 06:06 PM
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IMO this guy is a player, he thinks with his small head not his big head...sure can't figure
out why you still "love" him.
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Old 08-02-2012, 07:00 PM
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Your heart will catch up with your mind......just let your mind be in control for a bit more time! You get it and know what is best for you and your daughter....keep moving forward and it will get easier.

Addiction aside the kind of man who needs to jump right into another relationship is to be avoided! You can't trust or rely on them in any respect. My experience with this was with a Narcissists. He had no identity unless he had a woman to use as a mirror - that quickly turned abusive since nobody can be a mirror for long and then they start to hate you! Anyway after 8+ yrs.....separated from my X for 3 weeks.....in that time he signed up for a spiritual retreat....went for a week.....and met his "soul mate". Poor thing.....not sure how long she went for that ride. When I found out I went 100% No Contact......

Hang in there and continue to do what you know is the best for you!!
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Old 08-02-2012, 07:10 PM
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Hi friend,

I hear some of the same struggles in you that I feel in myself. My head KNOWS that my abusive, now relapsed, had a new girlfriend until they broke up this week, crack smoking ex husband is not a good fit for me. I know it. I know it. I know it.

So how come I miss him and still have sorrow that we weren't able to make our relationship work? It's because I was in love with my hopes and dreams....not him. So, once I am able to have my heart understand that who I love and who I miss is the DREAM that I had of him and our relationship and NOT the real him I'll be more in alignment. Until then, I'm just grateful that my head is actually winning. I know that my heart can come here and seek solace and understanding from people that actually give a care.

Crack is a nasty drug....even wehn they are not smoking it....it messes with your brain and from what I can tell it makes you a not nice person.
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