shopgirl62

Hi

I'm new to the boards, and I need some help. My son is an opiate addict and has been for about 10 yrs. He is 27 and lives at home. Well he recently had a heart valve repair due to a staph infection. He had MSRA last nov and it was in the valve and he had iv antibiotics for about 8 weeks, well the docs said it was gone and it was not, so hence the staph infection in the heart. I don't know why I thought this would be the wake up call, but I don't think it is. They put him on pain killers and memadone so he wouldn't go threw withdrawl until the heart and infection has healed, about 8 weeks. My problem is among millions of things, I can't trust anything he says. Its not just the pain killers that I'm worried about at this time, but his recovery from the surgery. I know that drugs really mess up the brain and I don't think he see's that. He is now having things like fevers and chills, like he did before the surgery, but his convaluted thinking makes no sense. How do you make sense of their addicted messed up minds. He tries to explain everything away, but never makes sense. I am obviously worried about his life, but I don't know how to talk to him anymore. For the past few years everything is a battle, down to take a shower. I don't believe I should have to tell him to brush his teeth, take a shower, clean your room, I am just done with this. I can't find it in my heart to throw him out while he is recovering from the heart surgery.

I have told him the day he is released from the docs and they say he is well that he will be going straight to detox and then to 3 to 6 month rehab program. He of course says he will do that, but I dont trust what he says. He also has back problems and of course alot of pain, so he says. This worries me as well, will he think he has to have pills after rehab. I have tried to tell him that his back pain has alot to do with withdrawl, since opiates live in the spinal column. He says not true. I am sure you all have been threw the "they know more than the pharmists and docs". He says opiates do nothing to the body.

I am so tired of fighting, its all a battle. I feel like I'm constantly on him and arguing with him. I ask myself everyday, what did I do, did I not love him enough, what was it I did and when. I know he is 27, but as we all know, most addicts stop macuring at the age they started using, for him was 15 so he says. And honestly he is like a 15 yr old. I have done everything I can to try to help him, short of going to rehab for him and hoping when I come out he is clean.

I guess my question is, how do I stop waiting for him to die, it scares me so much. I have constant worry and stress. I just can't do this anymore. I just want him to get well from the surgery and go into rehab. He has been in rehad twice before, so I keep hoping this one will work, but then I see him high from the pain killers he has now and I don't think he'll ever been clean. How do I give up and not worry?

Thanks