Originally Posted by rookie
when I start to feel better is when I want to drink, not when I am down
That is something that baffled me for the longest time. My sponsor says that there are 2 things that an Alcoholic can't stand, success and failure. When things are good, I think that a piece of crap like me doesn't deserve it. And when things are bad, poor me (pour me another drink).
The fact is, that I don't deserve the blessings that I have, or the multitude of chances that I have had with my family, after a multitude of relapses and arrests. And I never will.
But today, I can accept that.
I also remember in earlier sobriety, that when the fog was clearing, and I started to feel physically good, mentally I was a wreck.
The best way that to describe it is that I felt haunted. I had so much emotional and mental garbage, that I just couldn't "take out the trash" so to speak. Because whever I go, there I am.
The only way that I was able to rid myself of the goasts of Guterdrunks past, was to work the steps, all of them. I lived in misery for many years putting it off, but I finally was in enough pain, that I was willing to try anything.
And today, today I am FREE !
