Originally Posted by SoBroken

i am working on this same issue. i have cut way back on the time i spend with my ABF. im not sure if i even want to "let go" and stay in the relationship. its seems so counter productive... I think it takes someone almost "Saint" like to do this. to see past the disease. rite now i feel like if i "let go" and still stay in the relationship im giving someone permission to treat me like sh*t and frankly, im not ok with that. makes me feel like a doormat. how can i possibly keep my self esteem up when in a relationship like that? I understand that its all in how i REACT to his behavior but still...it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. That he really does love me, and that he's always sorry, and that its the "disease" not "him" hurting me doesnt mean squat rite now. guess im not anywhere near ready to "let go" and "continue the relationship". guess rite now im not strong enuff to say - I will stay with you, even tho you are going to lie to me, let me down, disrespect me, choose alcohol over me, and continue to distroy your health very possibly straight to the grave. I think im worth more than that. at the very least, i think i deserve respect. So for now...i will continue to limit my time with him as i clearly still allow his behavior to have severly adverse effects on my health. Its impossible for me to think clearly when he's standing in front of me, "molding himself" into something i could luv. i pay very little attention to who he is when he's with me. I pay VERY CLOSE attention to who he is when we are apart.
Hugs to all...