I suppose my drink of choice is usually wine. I don't know if it is because it seems less harmless or because I can get it fairly cheaply and easily at gas stations and grocery stores or if once the bottle is gone it is not like an entire bottle of vodka being gone which is my second drink of choice. I usually buy mini's so I can monitor the number that I have. I can not keep alcohol in my home but none of these restrictive behaviors make me less of an alcoholic. THERE! I said it.
Today was to be my last day of drinking... I went to an AA meeting for the first time yesterday. I suppose I know that I am very serious this time because I've never been to an AA meeting before. I drove by one a few days ago. I got the courage to walk inside but the meeting time was wrong on the internet.
I felt more compelled to have a drink after the AA meeting to be quite honest. And I did.
There was not a single person like me (out side of being an alcoholic). One woman came in later who was remotely my age but the most were older men. I saw one other woman in her 50's in the front.
I had intentions on going to a club afterward. Part of my problem is that I've worked in nightclubs on and off for over 10 years. Night club with few rules and that is actually where the alcohol abuse began. It was nothing to do 7-10 shot over a course of a shift. I didn't even know that was not normal. I didn't drink prior to working at this night club so I kind of just jumped in head first.
But the reason for my post is that I wanted to share a realization that I had last night when I was out looking for lunchable snacks. I was also out to pick up my second bottle of wine for the day (my so called last bottle before getting sober).
I've learned to alternate between 3 gas stations that are all within a mile of each other. So I don't look SO MUCH like an alcoholic. I also live in walking distance to a liquor store that I used to visit daily (mini bottle of vodka) and when I stopped drinking around New Years for a few months they really wondered where I was. I don't go in there much anymore, the feeling of knowing the entire staff and some of them automatically going to get my mini's. I think I used to get 4-5 just didn't feel good after a while.
But last night I picked up my bottle of wine but they didn't have the snack that I wanted so I went to the other gas station and I was looking for snacks and the attendant (all whom are very very nice) said HUNGRY?
I had probably never really bought a snack before... I rarely even get gas just WINE WINE WINE!
We chatted a bit and he said NO WINE TODAY?
We chatted a little more and he asked again NO WINE?
Before I left the store he must have asked me FIVE times if I was getting a bottle of wine.
THE TRUTH was I already had a bottle from the other store in the car but the reality of what these people must think of me really sank in and is what initiated my decision to start posting!
