hey there. I was a chronic relapser. I was in rehabs (short and long term), detox's, half way houses you name it. Either the day I got out or within a few months I was using again. I went on a methadone maintenance program for 7 years but that was in the late 90's. I weaned myself off and stayed clean for 2 years with no program. I thought cause drinking was not my problem I could do that to unwind. I ended up drinking everyday from morning to night and landed in the hospital with pancreatitis. They shot me with dilauded for the pain. I hadn't had an opiate in 10 years, but within a few months on pills after the hospital I was back to shooting dope, coke and smoking crack. I lost my job, wife, home, kids. Everything I had amassed over the years not using.
So anyway I was contemplating suicide cause I just didn't think I had it in me to stop. I didn't think I could do it. Instead of walking in front of a bus as I planned, I walked into a shelter and asked for help. They called an ambulance, and I was put on a 24 hour suicide watch. Next day I was in detox, and was weaned off the dope for 4 days with suboxone. I was homeless and indigent, but got treatment through charity care. I was set to go live at the salvation army but called my oldest buddy in Florida who had 3 years sober. He got me a plain ticket and I went to live with him.
He started taking me to all sorts of meetings (3-5 a day). I think I did over a 300 in 90. At first I didn't want to be there, but through time I started seeing all the ways I rebelled towards the program before. How I truly never thought I was powerless. I felt it for real this time. I also saw him doing it, and all these other people. Maybe just maybe if I did what they did, it could work for me too.
That was 11 months ago, and I feel great today. I have my ups and downs though. I get thoughts of using now and then. But they don't last long. I just always think where I will end up again. I remember that feeling of hopelessness. Today I have hope. If I continue on this path, all will be ok.
I know this is a bit long, but just wanted to share my experience as a chronic relapser on opiates.