Posting is pretty much all I feel like I can do at the moment. I left the house to get away for a bit after last night. Apparently the bag of H wasen't actually a bag of H....b.s.
I finally just told him looked like we'd have to agree to disagree agreeably. The look on his face was funny at least. Then I got the third degree about how I must have been snooping and how he wasen't surprised I'd found the cap but how when HE buys H HIS comes in wax paper if I REALLy want to know what I'm talking about. So, I said, guess the dealers wife had run out of wax paper that day, or maybe your ass moved it to the plastic bad, who knows. Then came all the HOW do I really know what H tastes like anyways? And how I just simply don't know what I'm talking about. B.s.....yeah I do. It takes up your whole mouth he kept repeating and I just kept laughing and he started laughing and wow.....it's just insanity fun land in his head.
Everything's my fault when he talks. But if I mention that fact then I'm apparently martyring myself. Then I asked him if he was even LISTENING to himself and how he spoke to me.....I don't know why I bother.
I just need some distance. This morning he kissed he goodbye and hugged me crying. Then picked a fight and walked out the oor cursing me for upsetting him so when he was so tired and had to go to work. So I mentioned maybe he shouldn't stay up all night doing drugs if he didn't want to be tired and have me be miserable and he just told me YET AGAIN that he's NOT doing drugs. I guess I'm just crazy because man, it sure seemed like he was to me. I just don't know. And I don't think I care. I'm just staying at my grandparents for now and praying he doesn't text me any more pain.
I want a good man in my life. And I want a hug.
Thank you guys.
I haven't even had so much as a beer to help with all this....and I use to have a problem with using that to numb myself. I think I'm not drinking because I know I'm not alone. Thank you all for helping me to remember that.