Hi and
to SR,
husband.
I think you should read back through your post a couple of times. Because you seem to say some things about how you feel, but then almost contradict yourself when you describe things further. That's the great part about writing things out, aka journaling. We come to realize things that we did not know about ourselves or our feelings.
I also think you should keep going to Al-Anon even though right now you're not sure. Al-Anon will help you come to awareness about what you have been doing and what you have been living with.