yep, time....
I am divorced from my AH, have been seperated for 3 years, I mostly have no anger towards him, and that is about my expectations of him/life etc BUT not even being a half-arsed buddist (wink) I had to process an enormous heap of anger before I got to that point, for a long time.
and I feel a lot of that anger covered up an intense sadness, and frankly I feel that the anger kept me alive and strong for a while - because it was powerful and protected me from the full crushing weight of the sorrow until I was strong enough to deal with that feeling.
soemtimes I still get blindsided and the anger rushes up, but it's more like a habit-reaction that I can catch, note and decide not to pursue as it wells up.
you'll get there. (())