I already have much damage to my self esteem even before I met him. But thank god my son was born. I've developed a voice...that I still am trying to learn to use appropriatley. I know that even if I feel I don't deserve better, my son does. I want him to see how much I love him and I don't want him to hurt over this, but I will do my best when hes older to let him know he didn't cause any of this and that his dad just couldnt be there for himself or anyone else. That it is a disease. Do my best to raise him without trying to hide what his dad is. He deserves to know, so he can overcome it when the time comes. I just want to get ouut of my head though. I want to not care about this stranger who even though I young, I know I do love him. I will have to proceed in telling him the truth and the way things have to be from now on while hes on pills...thank god i have full custody! And thank you, I hope I can raise my son to make good choices.