gunshy

So I'm new here, though I posted in the friends and family of alcoholics. My now unsure if is an ex or current (were on a "break" whatever that means...) I am a 19 year old high school graduate, in nursing school, and a mother of a 1 year old whose father is a tramadol and other pills addict, also an alcoholic. Now this was a rather serious event in our families lives. He forged prescriptions and was offered either rehab or jail. So rehab it was...and for 5 months. Its been a month that hes lived with my parents and I now. A month since hes been out of the halfway house. A month that started great, until me being the paranoid and mistrustful woman I am decided to snoop when I just felt off about him. You see, I learned from the past year why I didn't let him sleep with the baby inhis bed, why I didn't let him drive him alone, and why I was so controlling about when he held and babysat. I didn't realize that was my gut telling me he was different; a potential hazard to my babys welfare. I asked him (how naive I was) and after assuring me it was his health problems, I carried on ignoring my intuition for 3 more months until it all came out. Struggling with the resentment, the selfpitying the victim I am, I grew bitter and controlling. I sent him angry letters saying how bad a father he was, how he abandoned me and left me a single mother all because of his selfishness. It didn't make me feel better like I thought it would, and it didn't help him recover either.
So when he came home I vowed to try to trust him and to not degrade him or hinder his recovery (meeting jealousy etc). Things were good for maybe a week. Then one day, for no reason at all, I decided to snoop. I had never done that before and I felt dirty doing it, but I did it nonetheless. I found what I hoped I wouldnt. A script of percocet from a hospital stay near the end of his rehab stay. I asked. He denied. I admitted that I knew, and he confessed. I said we can't be together if your still lying to me. He said he wouldn't again. I believed it, the dumb*** I am. A week later, he was nodding out. So I snooped the next day while he was visiting his father. He blew up. Cussed me out, guilt tripped me (I know, my fault) into letting him stay here until he found a three quarter house. We officially broke up. But I remained sexual with him (I am now attending sex addict meetings once again). So I don't think hes learned. And now, hes stopped so low as to burning himself on the job "accidentally" and letting it get infected so that he can visit the 3 doctors I have found out about today and get his meds. He even was prescribed an antiviotic but he hasnt taken one of them in 4 days. Sad. So here I sit, knowing what I must do. But finding myself hesitant to do it. I realize I'm scared to be alone, and that I am mourning the loss of the family I had envisioned for us. I don't like this feeling of codependency. I don't know how to overcome it. I want to be selfless for both myself and my son, but am finding it difficult. Any tips on making it through the initial sting? How to deal with my own lonliness? I don't want to be a victim anymore, it doesnt do me any good. I really appreciate the wisdom I read in the posts here. Thank you all!