FireSprite

Yes, I had this thought last night when I thought back over this thread. I had a lot of anger at myself for a long time for missing the red flags I should have seen waving everywhere. (ESPECIALLY as an ACoA!!!)

And then I was extremely embarrassed (maybe mortified) for a long time too.... there's a roller coaster of emotions that I've been through personally & I'm guessing I'm no where near done. (and I know I'm not alone here)

Alucard - I'm not sure how much time you spent reading these boards before you joined & started posting, but I spent close to 8 months lurking. I read, I cried, I avoided some thoughts only to circle back to them, I saw similarities & differences & I learned so, so, SO much about something I thought I knew a LOT about. I weep openly at times when I hear of the children being affected by this terrible disease. I read a lot of posts from active A's that helped me see an entire dimension that sometimes tapped into my compassion but more often gave me knowledge. I started taking a personal inventory in ways I hadn't thought to do before, from a new perspective. I started to see how different solutions work for different relationships based on circumstances & emotions.

For instance - when alcoholism became apparant in my marriage we had been together for about 15 years & had spent 13 of them blissfully, off-the-charts happy. He was able to seek therapy & will be 1 full yr sober next weekend. We are slowly, but steadily rebuilding our lives & while it is difficult at times I feel stronger than before in some ways. I believe that is significantly different than your experience of being married very briefly to an alcoholic that is much further progressed & with whom you have no long-term recent relationship. Your point of view & attitude toward investing more into your relationship is going to be significantly different than mine based on our experiences to date. And that's OK, you just have to remember that not EVERY member here is dealing with a Stage 4 addict & many have families, children & financial considerations that you don't have to deal with as well. We all share common threads, but the pattern in our fabrics is not always identical.

I wish you well in your various stages of recovery.