Hang in there!
Don't give up on yourself!
Our 23 year old son is a drug addict/alcoholic. I pray for him 24/7 that he will **want** to get clean. He too, has been to many rehabs, the E/R several times for pancreatisis and drug overdoses. I've told him each time he comes down off a high that is GOD giving him a second chance to get clean.
I know you are faced with a real challenge, but I hear that it does get easier over time.
My youngest sister, who is a nurse, is a recovered addict and she says it's now a long lost memory. She's been clean for 12+ years and is a mentor for other nurses and medical staff.
Just concentrate on today!
I'm glad you posted here, others will be around shortly, so keep checking in and let us know how you are doing.
You will find amazing support on this forum.
My best wishes to you!