Welcome Rookie
I know where you are today as it has been awhile but I remember it like it was yesterday. I equivocate it to driving a nail. It took me many times over 20+ years of daily drinking until I finally got it right earlier this year. Now what I mean by "getting it right" is not drinking, craving one (or 30) or even thinking about one in my day or night. I could go on forever trying to help you and educate you but the fact of the matter is that you have to find what works for you and work it FOR you. Only you can make that decision. It is MY decision whether to take a sip, buy a six pack or walk into a bar and I have simply no interest in it anymore, at all. The example of a nail and hammer is that rarely if ever does anyone hit the nail square on the head and drive it home the first swing. You have to keep pounding and it depends on the size of the nail, what you are driving it into, the size of the hammer and most importantly the strength of the person swinging it. What does all that mean....???
The Nail-You can never drink like "normal". 1 is too many and 30 is not enough.
The Board-Your mind, body and soul.
The Hammer-The tools that you use whether it is aa or na or this forum. Look at carpenters or handymen, each has a different brand and type/size. It depends on personal preference and what "works" for you.
The Swing-The desire and drive to quit. It doesn't matter how many times you miss the nail, it matters how many you hit it. In other words no matter how many times you miss, realign and keep swinging. Yes, it is going to hurt like hell when you miss (slip) but you will never drive it home (quit) if you stop swinging.
Just my two cents worth...what I can tell you is that I am sober and loving life even when things are not so good.
Peace and Prayers,
Roy