Giving up on ever being able to drink normally
This is my first post, but I've reading in the forums for several weeks now. I have been drinking daily for close to twenty years, except for a short sobriety ten years ago, an even shorter one eight years ago, and 18 days which I broke last night, probably because I was feeling so great, and just needed a reminder of how little talent I have for drinking. So, today day 1 again, I went to an AA meeting this am (I've been to a few over the past 18 days, and they help tremendously) I am pitifully shy though and havent raised my hand when they ask if newcomers are present. So naturally I have not availed myself of lists, numbers, support etc. But I will need to. I went through a 4 day detox which was hell 14 days ago, and now I get to relive that... I need this forum desperately to help me get out of my shell, and to ask for help. You all seem so wonderful in the posts that I read, I need to avail myself of all your collective wisdom... First, when I start to feel better is when I want to drink, not when I am down....What should I do when the chatter in my mind is urging me to drink a beer (really, 9 to 10 usually)??? I should mention I am a solitary drinker, and being alone is when it hits me... I know intellectually that I will feel like hell, but I appear as I did yesterday to just discount that and go ahead. Unbelievable how pathetic and utterly powerless I am, and determined to keep living this misery.... You, guys...HELP!!!