Thought about this more...gosh this is me just a few years ago...now plop me down on that beach but make it today not then, lol
Alcoholics acting badly is not an excuse for us to act badly. Why do we act badly? Because we are hurt. Hurt how? Usually our emotional needs are not getting met, and throw in deception on their part and then there is resentment too, and for some, financial difficulties...but not for you, not for me.
I remember him practically INSISTING I went on vacation once, without him. This act alone was the beginning of my taking off the blinders. What was he going to be up to that he NEEDED me to go on vacation so badly? Something sneaky...of course there was.
He didn't clean the house at all while I was gone. The liquor cabinet was severely diminished. He didn't go to work, he called in sick, and told me he had been sick and that is why the house was a mess, which was very unlike him.
He never let the house get messy, nor ever called in sick another day of our marriage...only this one time he had the house to himself.
What he did do for sure was-- downloaded many porn movies onto every computer in the house, and there were 10 or so computers, and get stinking drunk.
Did I chastise him while away? Not on that vacation, but on others.
We can't act badly because they do...somebody has to reign themselves in...it has to be us because they are incapable while active in addiction.
I've been there too...emotional pain from needs not being met...but we can't plop ourselves on a beach and say, dammit, why doesn't the bald, fat, alcoholic that paid for this 3 week vacation look like the guy on the beach over there? If we do that for a long time we end up like those mean looking ladies at Macy's trying to get their emotional needs met shopping....
Would your husband think the trip was money well spent? Maybe he wouldn't...or maybe he's up to no good himself.
You're in emotional pain is why you lash out at him and you need to go directly to the source and explain that pain...good place to start would be with the lies, whatever they are about...say "this HURTS me!" "Do you care about my feelings?" Suggestions only....
It isn't fair that the sober person has to be well...sober in thinking...not fair at all, and that's just the way it is...the burden is unfairly on us.
I am NOT criticizing you. I have been right where you are, right down to the flowers...
Leap of faith...with him, or without him.