"And, you know what's really frustrating? I got hit on the other day and this guy called me beautiful lady and then told my son that he(son) was the princess' guardian. My son went around all day calling me princess. Then I was at the beach yesterday and sitting on my towel when this really nicely built guy went running by. I walked down to the water 10 mins later and was standing there when he ran back in the direction from where he came and I saw him check me out and smile at me. UGH!!! Soooooo, if I'm good looking enough to catch men's gaze then why do I stick around with my overweight, bald, middle aged personality disordered alcoholic husband? Somebody please tell me why, because I'm ready to scream. "
I am going to be perfectly honest, when I first read this, it struck an unpleasant chord. I let it go, ate some lunch and I was still thinking about it. Something was haunting me, and as I reflected about the last ten years, I remembered....... I do not know if this helps but here goes.....
the harmless, flirtatious words of a complete stranger, turned out to be a life lesson I will never forget. Within a couple of months we were dating, about a year later we were engaged, and I never felt more complete in my life, at last we would live happily ever after......... Wrong....... he broke off the engagement 6 days before the wedding, and my life spiraled out of control..... that's how I ended up with XA, as I was having a pity party, and who better to have a pity party with than a seasoned veteran.
I had zero confidence, I was hurt, bitter, and angry. Just wanted to bury my head in the sand.
For a couple of years I would replay the movie in my head, always remembering our initial meeting, and his absolute wow factor. The eyes, the smile, his confidence....
Today, living in the present, I no longer would find his initial approach inviting at all. Out of all the pain, has come a personal growth, and I see myself all those years ago, in you today. You are simply searching for the "What do I do now?" JMHO, but I would be asking myself, "Even if my husband was not an active alkie, do I want to stay in this relationship?" Could the drinking factor is just the icing on the cake?
We all change, grow and evolve, and sometimes we just outgrow our current relationship. This is truly about you now. The validation you are seeking, resides within you, you get to peel the layers off, and find you again.
Being a mom and wife is consuming, even on vacation in florida, you are committed to your son's tennis activities. We all have to make the time for ourselves. Time to have that heart to heart with yourself. Wishing you peace.