Welcome! I am new here also but in the few days that I have been posting on this thread and another, I can tell you that there are a lot of people that care and will offer you support. You have no idea what a gift your age is and to be realizing that you have a big problem. Please try your hardest to stop now while you have a long life ahead of you. That long life will certainly be shortened if you don't stop. Good luck and please let us know how you're doing.