emotionally exhausted
Do you ever just get so sick of being positve. Saying "oh, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" "I'm going get thru this" blah blah blah....
I can't take it anymore.
Within the past 2 weeks my son has bitten me and basically been very violent with me. So, seeing as his father has decided to disappear it has left me no choice to tell him "daddy is sick" couldn't tell him this before because my xah would have said "no I am not" and would have totally confused a poor sweet 3 year old. Now, he is 4 and the deadbeat is MIA. Within the last 2 weeks,since telling him daddy is sick, he has opened up to me. He told me that he didn't like us fighting, he thinks daddy doesn't want to play with him and he misses him. He is so angry. My poor little guy. I have so much anxiety and am trying everything I can, reading everything I can. It breaks my heart. Sometimes I feel like I have done everything wrong. Like I should try to get this deadbeat to reappear...for what? To disappoint and hurt my son again. I don't want a drug addict in my sons life.
I am a teacher. I get kids. I'm so sick of trying to be perfect all the time. I'm emotionally exhausted. Tonight my child went into vivid detail telling me how much he misses his daddy, how he wants to show him his toys, play in the pool and watch him be silly. That's all I want too really. I just want the man back before cocaine. I didn't chose this. I don't want this. I want my family back. This sucks. I'm angry. I'm depressed and I'm exahusted. I just want to heal. I never knew it would take so long. It's one thing to lie, steal, cheat and break your vows to me, but there is no excuse doing this to a child.
It is time for therapy.
The good thing is within the past 2 weeks my son has opened up to me. I know where he is at mentally. I can't give up, even though I want to. But, we need help.
Meanwhile, my coke axh is partying it up. Hope he is having a blast. Must be nice to abandon and hurt people and never look baCk.
Just had a really bad time. I'm scared for my son. He is so little, innocent and angry. I stayed home for 3 years and am giving him the best education...but feel everything I did or have done means nothing because this selfish sob abandoned his family. I feel like I am up against a monster and can't win.