emotionally exhausted

Old 07-18-2012, 05:22 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
emotionally exhausted

Do you ever just get so sick of being positve. Saying "oh, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" "I'm going get thru this" blah blah blah....
I can't take it anymore.
Within the past 2 weeks my son has bitten me and basically been very violent with me. So, seeing as his father has decided to disappear it has left me no choice to tell him "daddy is sick" couldn't tell him this before because my xah would have said "no I am not" and would have totally confused a poor sweet 3 year old. Now, he is 4 and the deadbeat is MIA. Within the last 2 weeks,since telling him daddy is sick, he has opened up to me. He told me that he didn't like us fighting, he thinks daddy doesn't want to play with him and he misses him. He is so angry. My poor little guy. I have so much anxiety and am trying everything I can, reading everything I can. It breaks my heart. Sometimes I feel like I have done everything wrong. Like I should try to get this deadbeat to reappear...for what? To disappoint and hurt my son again. I don't want a drug addict in my sons life.
I am a teacher. I get kids. I'm so sick of trying to be perfect all the time. I'm emotionally exhausted. Tonight my child went into vivid detail telling me how much he misses his daddy, how he wants to show him his toys, play in the pool and watch him be silly. That's all I want too really. I just want the man back before cocaine. I didn't chose this. I don't want this. I want my family back. This sucks. I'm angry. I'm depressed and I'm exahusted. I just want to heal. I never knew it would take so long. It's one thing to lie, steal, cheat and break your vows to me, but there is no excuse doing this to a child.
It is time for therapy.
The good thing is within the past 2 weeks my son has opened up to me. I know where he is at mentally. I can't give up, even though I want to. But, we need help.
Meanwhile, my coke axh is partying it up. Hope he is having a blast. Must be nice to abandon and hurt people and never look baCk.
Just had a really bad time. I'm scared for my son. He is so little, innocent and angry. I stayed home for 3 years and am giving him the best education...but feel everything I did or have done means nothing because this selfish sob abandoned his family. I feel like I am up against a monster and can't win.
story74 is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 05:34 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
outtolunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by story74 View Post

I stayed home for 3 years and am giving him the best education...and feel everything I did or have done makes a difference because this selfish sob abandoned his family.
Hope you don't mind, I edited your sentence.
outtolunch is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 05:38 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Getting there!!
 
LoveMeNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am so sorry Story. I am sorry for the pain addiction has caused you and your son.

Please hang on, God has something better waiting for you. I am positive of it.
LoveMeNow is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 05:53 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Getting there!!
 
LoveMeNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Story, please don't let your mind trick you into thinking he is happy. He is an active addict - he has no feelings. But he has moments of clarity - where he KNOWS what a SOB he is. Of course, its just another excuse to get high but he KNOWS...deep down inside he knows what a scumbag he truly is.

Someday he will have to face what he has done.

You will have the love, the memories, and the pride of a wonderful accomplishment and he will have the shame, the guilt, and a lifetime full of regrets.
LoveMeNow is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:07 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
To thine own self be true.
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Oh story74, my heart goes out to you and your little boy. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am so sorry that a$$hole has done this to your family. Please know that I am right there beside you, cheering you on. I don't know if you have a Higher Power or believe in God, but I do. And I believe that God has a reason for everything and that God does not give us anything we cannot handle. I know you are tired of being strong, and trudging your way through this. I feel the same way. I, too, am tired of the $hit life has thrown at me. But I also know that there was a day not too long ago, before A&AXBF came into my life, when I could clearly see and was grateful for everything good that came into my life. But over the past couple of years, being with that person, with all of his negativity, complaining, and other toxicity, I lost my ability to see. I know it is there for me, all I have to do is start being grateful for a few things a day. And before I know it, I will be happy once again.

Will you try it? Will you start your grateful list? Oprah is the one who taught me to do it. Every night before you go to bed, you write down three things you are grateful for. And as the list grows you will begin to see things during your day that make you appreciate life more. I will start my list tonight and hope you will do it with me.

About this:
Meanwhile, my coke axh is partying it up. Hope he is having a blast. Must be nice to abandon and hurt people and never look baCk.
Thank you for sharing that because it is exactly how I feel about A&AXBF. They are so very selfish, self-serving, and self-absorbed. I see who he really is now and I believe him. If he shows back up here, I will surely close the door in his face.

(((hugs))) Remember, I am trudging this path with you.
Learn2Live is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:20 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
washbe2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Sometimes a child is better off without a parent especially if that parent is not a good example.
I stayed with my ex for 23 years through cheating and some drugging. I did this for my children after the love and respect were gone. Thought it was best for kids. Little did I know that they knew much more about dear old dad than I thought.

Now it turns out son us just like dad only a much more serious addict. His I wish I had left much earlier yo wipe that example away. It may not have made a difference in my son's life,but I'll always wonder.

So what hurts now, could spare worse pain later. From.one teach to an




other.
washbe2 is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:26 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
FindingErica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Story, keep loving your son. You are at the beginning of a rough road that will get smoother. Just keep going forward, you are doing good for you and your son.
FindingErica is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:34 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Thanks everyone. This summer has been really hard. You are all right. And yes lean to live,I will start the grateful list tomorrow with my son.

I want to give up, but I won't for my son. Keep on truckin and livin the dream!
story74 is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:41 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
FindingErica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
I'm right there in the trenches with you, worst summer of my life. I refuse to give up. Unlike your AH, you have chosen to fully engage in life, and here you are LIVING it, you are there for your son, your are standing on your two feet in control of your destiny. He is a coward who abandoned his family and lives life in a number out drug fog. Your life will get better in a real way as you get strong and determine what you want from life. He on the other hand may look great superficially but he has sold out for cheap easy come easy go relationships and lifestyle.
FindingErica is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:44 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Getting there!!
 
LoveMeNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by FindingErica View Post
I'm right there in the trenches with you, worst summer of my life. I refuse to give up. Unlike your AH, you have chosen to fully engage in life, and here you are LIVING it, you are there for your son, your are standing on your two feet in control of your destiny. He is a coward who abandoned his family and lives life in a number out drug fog. Your life will get better in a real way as you get strong and determine what you want from life. He on the other hand may look great superficially but he has sold out for cheap easy come easy go relationships and lifestyle.
Well said!!
LoveMeNow is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:52 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
Story - hang in there. Focus on you and the wonderful blessing of your baby boy. I told my six year old when he punched me and told me he hated me b/c I wont let daddy live with us anymore that sometimes mom has to make decisions to keep us healthy that are really hard and confusing for him. I used the example that it's like when he hates the dr. for giving him a needle. The Dr. has to give him a needle to keep him healthy but he hates the dr. anyway. Mom is making decisions to keep us healthy because daddy is trapped by a horrible disease called addiction. There are some really great videos on Betty for you tube - I think Cynical posted them about talking to children about addiction. I'm so glad I saw these videos before I had to talk to my boys. Be strong and keep healthy. The addict is not happy, you are the one who gets to experience the joy of your son every day.
supportforme is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 07:35 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
To thine own self be true.
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Story, just wanted to tell you, I started my list and I was able to find 5 things. And thank you for giving me the inspiration to start my list.
Learn2Live is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 07:39 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Story-
Being the parent of a 3 year old can be exhausting. As a only parent, VERY exhausting.
Someone once said these words to me. "When you fall asleep at night, when you wake up in the morning, think to yourself, would you want to be him?"

Not a chance in hell!!!!
Oh my xah, can LOOK good, can LOOK successful, can LOOK happy.
He may even be happy. I just know, I would not want what he has.

Ask yourself, tonight. Would you trade what you have, for what he has?
SL
StillLearning1 is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 08:42 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
Story its ok to get angry at your situation and your ex, for its all part of the grieving process. i get that way with my exH for i too am sick of always trying to do the right thing, and be the strong one, and be the one there for my kids, while he and his gf enjoy their life knowing that i will pick up the tab to make sure my kids have the most amazing opportunities i can afford (and yes he can afford them as he earns more than i do, but i don't have a leech living off me). i am the bad cop in the family, but i know at the end of the day, it will be me who they come to for support and advise, and it will be my lessons that they will remember.

the only advise i can offer is be honest with your son, without adding your feelings about your ex's behaviour. your ex does love him, but the addiction has him by his short and curlys, and so he is just shell of the man he was. as Still Learning put it, would you swap places with him right now?
Jody675 is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 08:47 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
lesliej's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
here's one I saw recently...

"I'm ready for some blessings that aren't in disguise."

peace
lesliej is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:20 AM.