Transform, If you aren't dragging your heels filing for divorce, it would appear to me that you are.
You have been "outta there" for 4 years. In fact, a few weeks ago you were going to the courthouse that Monday to file on legal aid, what happened? Now you are expecting money shortly-will you then file?
I realize venting is good, a real good thing to be able to do, but over the last 4 years it's been a circuitous route you are taking.
I wish you well, but you are moving sideways always, not up and out.