Man I have always been interested in asked me out

Old 07-18-2012, 09:09 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Man I have always been interested in asked me out

Yes yes I know it's not the right time, not while still living with AH, but I have ADORED this man for years and he just asked me out. I almost fainted. I smell bad, my hair is messy and I'm fat.

I was stunned. I giggled a bit and he gave me his number, I didn't say yes or no because I wanted to die.

I'm so cheesed right now that I can't date him! I know myself and am already scheming how to go out with him. He's BEAUTIFUL, humble, very respectful, loves and honors women, smart, compassionate. Our kids go to school together so I know him from the school and the Trader Joe store where he works.

One thing's for sure, it makes me question my attractiveness (see above) which can't be good.

omg. I can't believe it. I have looked at him for years and thought, "I want a man like that."
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 09:24 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
He obviously thought none of those things! And he is obviously interested in you because you're YOU. You are worthy of a "beautiful" man and all of those other positive traits he has.

I'll tell you the same thing I tell my gfs (and yes of course I'm guilty of this too): no negative self talk! Confidence is sexy. Like crazy sexy.
mmk11 is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 09:25 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Not to rain on your parade but
I have looked at him for years and thought, "I want a man like that."
is what many, many women said about my AXH, too.

There are good men out there.
Just be careful not to fall for appearances and dreams.
lillamy is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 09:42 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Survivor
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Hi Transformyself,

What a nice feeling to have your crush ask you out. You must feel like a giggling school girl. I know I would. Presently, I'm focused on me and I'm off the market and under construction. I really need this time to myself and for the first time ever, I'm taking it. But, it would be *extremely* hard for me to stay away from someone I actually liked for so long. So, I fully understand where you are coming from.

Here is a thought I remind myself of to prevent myself from seeking or allowing a man into my life at this time: "Anything worth having is worth waiting for." I am in NO hurry to get into a relationship. I am also worth waiting for. If a man truly desires me, then he will be a patient friend until I'm ready for more. In turn, I also need to be patient and wait for someone worthy of my time, affection, and attention. I can't allow myself to settle for any man that comes my way. Not saying that he is "any man." It's just for me I have to be careful to not let the hopeless romantic in me settle for any man...like I did in my past.

Just sharing my own experience. I hope it helps in some kind of way.

Love and Light,

Lily
DefofLov is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 09:46 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Presently, I'm focused on me and I'm off the market and under construction.
Love this!

Anvil: last he knew AH and I were separated and in the process of divorce. That's before I had the brilliant idea of letting AH move in because, as he put it, "I"m already paying all the bills."

Illamy: Oh I know. Plenty of women say that about MY AH Too!!!
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 09:48 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
Yes yes I know it's not the right time, not while still living with AH, but I have ADORED this man for years and he just asked me out. I almost fainted. I smell bad, my hair is messy and I'm fat.

I was stunned. I giggled a bit and he gave me his number, I didn't say yes or no because I wanted to die.

I'm so cheesed right now that I can't date him! I know myself and am already scheming how to go out with him. He's BEAUTIFUL, humble, very respectful, loves and honors women, smart, compassionate. Our kids go to school together so I know him from the school and the Trader Joe store where he works.

One thing's for sure, it makes me question my attractiveness (see above) which can't be good.

omg. I can't believe it. I have looked at him for years and thought, "I want a man like that."
Dump the AH like last weeks trash, see an attorney about beginning the legal seperation status as you file for Divorce, and call this man immediatley, DATE him first, see what he REALLY is like, have some fun and then decide.
Alucard is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 09:49 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
ok Alucard you're my new best friend.
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 10:01 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by DefofLov View Post
Hi Transformyself,

What a nice feeling to have your crush ask you out. You must feel like a giggling school girl. I know I would. Presently, I'm focused on me and I'm off the market and under construction. I really need this time to myself and for the first time ever, I'm taking it. But, it would be *extremely* hard for me to stay away from someone I actually liked for so long. So, I fully understand where you are coming from.

Here is a thought I remind myself of to prevent myself from seeking or allowing a man into my life at this time: "Anything worth having is worth waiting for." I am in NO hurry to get into a relationship. I am also worth waiting for. If a man truly desires me, then he will be a patient friend until I'm ready for more. In turn, I also need to be patient and wait for someone worthy of my time, affection, and attention. I can't allow myself to settle for any man that comes my way. Not saying that he is "any man." It's just for me I have to be careful to not let the hopeless romantic in me settle for any man...like I did in my past.

Just sharing my own experience. I hope it helps in some kind of way.

Love and Light,

Lily
I agree with this completley. Right now I have too much unresolved anger and self disgust and other issues to even think about dating. I need to get this divorce filed as soon as possible, and then I need a lot of time to work on myself, with my therapist, my intense workouts, a lot of time on the iron horse, which is to me the 2nd best therapy, my PCP so I can make damned sure that my emotional, physical and mental health are all in tip top condition after all the BS I dealth with in a quick 4 week period.

Like everyone here, I am not all that crazy about being alone, at 43, I have little interest in the single life anymore, other than using it to find someone who wants to get serious about a real relationship.....but I am currently in the process of completing my bachelor's degree, and I need another year and a half to do that, of full time school, I need to then use it to get a real career going once again, move out of this tiny studio which is fine for a single student, but sucks as far as having a family, and I just need to work on me for a while. I need to get in tip top physical, mental and emotional condition and only then will I be ready to find her, hopefully a non-alcoholic woman who I can do normal things with. A movie, a restaurant, normal vacations, bike rallies, exercising together, just renting a flick and sitting home with popcorn watching it. Life with this alcoholic consisted of sitting on a sofa at home watching her guzzle booze until 3am and it bored the you know what out of me. I still hold out hope to maybe even be married again, but I want it with a normal woman.
Alucard is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 10:03 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Life with this alcoholic consisted of sitting on a sofa at home watching her guzzle booze until 3am and it bored the you know what out of me.
Universal experience.
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 10:06 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Anvil: I'll fry his big fish alright.

Ha!



Of course, that's the whole point of this thread, to vent and process.
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 10:08 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
ok Alucard you're my new best friend.
I'll say this much. You can stick around with the AH and deal with the BS that everyone on this site has dealt with for sooo long. The nights of guzzling booze, the fights, the boredom that the non alcoholic spouse deals with on a nightly basis as the drunk simply drinks, the dishonesty, the lies, the disgust, the unhappiness, for the rest of your time here on this Earth, until he goes into final stage Alcoholism, then you get to deal with his vomiting blood, passing messy stools, urinating the bed the tremors, the hallucinations, his liver failing, and wet brain syndrome/dementia, because if they dont stop, it inevitably and eventually gets to this point, after a number of years of hellish boredom, anxiety and stress on your part. You will have given up the best years of your life for it to end like that, and see a physically pathetic lost soul on a hospital bed, nearing the end, in a coma, and now you get to decide when to pull the plug and live with yourself.

OR.....See an attorney, leave his drunk (pseudonym for buttocks) and call this wonderful man and tell him you are going through a divorce and need his support....and begin what may be the relationship of your lifetime.

Only you can decide.
Alucard is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 10:10 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hey Mister New Best Friend:

I am leaving him. Done deal.

I"ve also left an abusive business partner and guess what?? The offers are POURING in. Someone just offered me $1000 to do some political work, high pressure fast approaching deadline, but I'm uniquely qualified for it.

Feels GREAT!!
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 10:25 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
Hey Mister New Best Friend:

I am leaving him. Done deal.

I"ve also left an abusive business partner and guess what?? The offers are POURING in. Someone just offered me $1000 to do some political work, high pressure fast approaching deadline, but I'm uniquely qualified for it.

Feels GREAT!!
Good for you, dont EVER doubt your decision, get away from this drunk for good. You still have wonderful years ahead of you. My aunt was with a horrible drunk for aabout 4 years and she went through a living hell with him and divorced his pathetic self. Guess what? She landed up with a man who had been her absolute knight in shining armor, married him and is VERY happily married now and the drunk? He was diagnosed with diabetes, he was TOLD to quit drinking or die, he died alone in a VA hospital ward wearing an adult diaper, hooked up to machines.

Call your man and have coffee with him, and do some serious talking.
Alucard is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 10:56 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
You go girl, at least it's a little boost to the self esteem. Be cautious though. If he knows you still live with your ex, he may be one of those guys who look for women who are "unavailable".

I am not a great person to offer relationship advice but I know this, I followed my heart and lost everything. Next time around I will follow my head
XXXXXXXXXX is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 11:17 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
m1k3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
TF, enjoy your internal bump in status.

Even if you can't do anything about it right now isn't great to know that their are others out there that find you attractive and interesting?

Not the we here didn't already feel that about you. ((((hugs))))

Your friend,
m1k3 is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 11:32 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
lizatola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
You got lots of great advice on here. I know how good it feels to get attention, it seems that I've been a man magnet since I've been here in FL. I had another guy hit on me in front of my son and his friend yesterday. He called me beautiful lady and then followed it up with princess and told me my son and his friend must be my guardians, LOL! My son kept walking around yesterday saying, "Hey, how's it goin' Princess?"

I also had 2 men call me smiley girl a few days ago at my son's tennis tournament. They said I was just always smiling. It's good to know, for me, that I can still turn heads and that people do recognize my inner peace and happiness.

Honestly, though, if someone asked me out and I was separated, I'd probably turn them down at this point. I have a whole heck of a lot of work to do on myself and I don't want to bring codependent ME into a new relationship. Too much work, thanks, and I want to someday have a REAL relationship.....if my AH wants to come along, great. If not, his loss.
lizatola is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 11:50 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I am in no way ready to date

Thanks for letting me process externally here.

Not sure how long ago I posted this, but it was right after I got home from the store.

It's only taken this long for me to decide that even thinking about dating gives me too much anxiety to deal with. I would rather get to know MYSELF and have a beautiful relationship with me.

Yes, I'm confident and that's probably what attracts him to me. But as soon as I learned he's single and there might be a chance for me to spend time with him, my internal wiring went berserk.

Not a good sign. The immediate effect (euphoria, fantasy, excitment) wore off pretty quickly and I went back to my own life, which needs all kinds of work right now.
I'm sick and have to figure out wtf is wrong with me
I'm dis-entageling from both my business partner and my husband,
I just got two new contracts dumped in my lap and when you're self employed you take em when they come and most importantly, the thought of dating freaks me out.

I'm too insecure. I have a heart attack every time I have to publicly speak, MC an event, present on a panel or do a media interview. I feel like I'm scamming all of these people and when they find out I'll be busted.

I wouldn't date me, so I better fix that first before I entangle my life with someone else.
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 12:14 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Survivor
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
I would rather get to know MYSELF and have a beautiful relationship with me.
Awesome. I totally understand.
DefofLov is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 12:27 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Even if you can't do anything about it right now isn't great to know that their are others out there that find you attractive and interesting?

Not the we here didn't already feel that about you. ((((hugs))))
Thanks My Friend Mike

So this has got me thinking about self perception

I know people find me attractive and interesting, but I doubt their motive and think most of the time that I'm this popular because I'm in the public eye and considered a leader in my state. This is true on many levels. People who admire what I do, do not know the real me.

I have self doubt, however, about whether or not people like me for who I am--which according to me, still at times, is an unworthy person.

Dating would be a disaster right now. I"m too insecure.

I also have horrible social anxiety. Within one month this past spring, I traveled to DC for a press conference at the National Press Club, organized and MC'd two massive rallies with thousands of people and managed the media for a state wide campaign. By the time the last rally was over I was a complete wreck. PLUS things with AH were totally crazy at that time too because I was still in my active addiction with him.

I have very few actual friends that I trust and can talk to--all of ya'll included in that small circle. I have horrible social anxiety and usually make an A$$ of myself in public.

So my point is this--I'm happy to spend some time alone, after I move away from AH, and sort all of this stuff out. It's exciting to me!! This I can do, i know how to do it.

THEN I will attract the kind of man that I will be happy with.

right?
transformyself is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 12:34 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
As someone who's gone through an emotionally devasting five months with an AH I barely recognize, I understand it feels damn good to get attention from a crush. I say enjoy and don't over think it. Coffee, drinks, lunch- just have fun!
mmk11 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:18 AM.