here's how i see it, if you are being honest about your wife:
she has taken you hostage and put a ransom on it. i dont give a crap if yer an alcoholic or not, husband,wife or whatever, putting demands on anyone is sick. she is a sick person. so, what are you goona do about it?
1st thing is i am guessin this behavior isnt new. it was happening when you were drinking you just didnt see it. now, as recovering alcoholics, we are no longer anyones doormat for theirproblems.
the big book has some great chapter in it titled" to wives" and " the family afterwards." they are describing what you are describing. the people that stay around us when we are drinking become just as sick as we are.
you dont have to allow it and from my own experience, it was very frustrating to know how to convey the message sober. it was something new to me and i had ot learn how to do it. that took T.I.M.E.
now, the BB says we dont get into the quarrels of marraige, but a good sponsor and the program will teach you how to communicate like a sober, responsible adult.( gotta sponsor???).
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the people i cant change
courage to change the one i can
and wisdom to know thats me.