I've not been on SR for a few months. Today I am struggling after a huge fallout once again with my exA. Long story that I will try to make short-exA got out of jail the end of May. He said his PO lost his paperwork. I think he snitched on someone they wanted moreso then him. I guess I missed him??? So I called him and left a VM just saying good luck and that I hope he can stay clean this time around, as it sounded like he had a second chance. A few days go by and the next thing I know he is calling me saying he is sitting in my driveway. I said I didn't think that was a good idea as he sounded high. I told him to leave and by that time my son had already let him in the house. He said he had been drinking a lot. I have never been around him much when he was high on meth. So one thing leads to another and we are up all night talking. He is pleading to me that he needs to get into rehab, and that he can't go on doing drugs anymore. I had never seen him so serious about his problem. He comes clean with me about 2 weeks later about that night, and told me he was high on meth.
So I allow him to spend the night and fast forward to last Friday and he is still staying at my house. He started attending NA and got a sponser. But his attitude and mood swings were very hard to deal with. As well as his bad temper. He relapased at least once that I know about and got arrested with 2 new charges. I finally kicked him out last Friday. I am so depressed, ashamed, hurt, feel taken advantage of, angry and barely getting through the day.
He called me last night and told me he was staying with this girl he had gotten pregnant back in Sept. (they use to get high together) she had her baby a few weeks ago and he is now obsessed with his new baby. He must have been high, as he started saying weird things that I've never heard him say. Rambling about how he wants to be in the babies life now, even though he admitted when he was sober he wanted nothing to do with the baby as he wasn't sure it was his, and he needed to stay away from the girl he was using with. This hurts me tremendously, as I suffered a miscarriage at the end of March. and to hear how happy he is with this girl and his new baby tears me up. I feel like he came into my life for 5 weeks and we fell back in love and the trust was slowly growing as he began to get sober, and suddenly its over again. I know he isn't healthy for me. I know someone should have at least one year sober before trying to get back into a relationship, but I'm in so much pain and he is happy as hell with his new baby and life....
I don't know if its the drugs or what, but it seems like whenever he goes out on his meth binges he aways becomes obsessed with new friends or people he meets while using.
Sorry for rambling on...I'm just in shock and lost...I don't know how I am going to get through tomorrow....I guess a meeting is a good place to start, if I can drag myself out of bed.... I just feel so dead inside
