I have heard something somewhat similar to your feelings of anger about his going to detox and rehab after you left. I have heard Al-Anon members who suffered through the pain and chaos of life with the alcoholic, hanging in there, begging for change, doing whatever they could to help and support.....But the alcoholic kept drinking. So they got a divorce. And a few months later the alcoholic checked himself into treatment. And the spouse was PISSED.
Do you feel a commonality with the situation I described? Because anger is a natural reaction. Beneath the anger, I have been told, is deep hurt. It is a deep, unconscious terrible hurt that the alcoholic did not love the spouse enough to get well for her while they were together. And she loved him so much and endured so much and still he would not stop drinking for her. And then, after all she suffered, and the pain of divorce, he decides he's finally done. And to her there is a sense of betrayal.....why would he not do that FOR HER and FOR THE MARRIAGE she wants to know?
Is that something you might identify with?
Here is the answer and we hear this all the time but we often keep denying it:
The drinking is never personal. The alcoholic does not drink to hurt us and the drinking has not one thing to do with us personally. The drinking is entirely about the intense and committed love relationship the alcoholic has with ALCOHOL. And when the alcoholic decides to end that relationship with alcohol, it is because something has happened exclusively between him and the alcohol. Something has happened. And only he knows what it is. But it has nothing to do with you. It has never had anything at all to do with you. Alcoholism is an unconscious and uncontrollable compulsion to drink. It is a primal seeking beneath logic that drives the alcoholic to drink. It has nothing to do with choice when an alcoholic is in active addiction. He has lost all choice. He can't stop drinking. And it has never had anything to do with anyone else.
He has decided to sober up for reasons that are his alone and he is not doing it for you. Period. But he called to let you know. And because you are codependent, you are eager to be involved. It's part love, part neediness, part ego. We have been there. He has split off from his enmeshment with you, and you are panicked.
It's a common reaction. This is the alcoholic/codependent lock and key.
When one person in that relationship starts to get healthy, the partner generally has a negative reaction. It's usually fear-based. Fear of change. An unhealthy dependency has been the status quo. And now one of the partners has decided to split off and get healthy.
The best action you can take right now is to dive into your own recovery. And in fact, if you don't, and he gets well, actually is one of the minority who works a program and is sincere about growth, your relationship will not survive. Both partners have to be in recovery or there is just no chance. Both partners have to stop their craziness.
So I would not call him. I would find meetings and attend one every day. Get a counselor. Get to work.
Leave the rest in God's hands.