you're not wasting our time at all. i upset a lot of people. in fact, i lived apart from my husband for nearly 3 years due to my drinking. he didn't leave because if it. he left for what was supposed to be a temporary job that turned permanent. i used the excuse that i was going to renovate our house for sale and stay where i was until it sold. instead, i spent 3 years apart from him and drank constantly. i scared my family so badly that one day, my mom caught me in an especially sorry state, pulled me out of my house, called my husband and within a week i was packed up and moved 1100 miles away to be with him. that didn't stop my drinking but that's how scared people were at me being alone with the bottle. we've spent so much money that we don't have on my recovery i know that has to have hurt my husband in some way but he is very forgiving especially now that i am making such an effort. that's the thing. when you get it, and you will, all your previous efforts are vindicated. you never fail unless you stop trying. we all fall down so many times but we keep getting back up. i don't know many people who were deep in addiction and were able to give up their vice on the first time. when we fail, we can learn and when we learn we grow and we do something different the next time. do try something different. if you fall down, pick yourself up again, learn and try again. just keep trying and you'll never fail. every bruise is a lesson and every lesson gets you closer. don't give up. it's worth it. you're worth it. i wouldn't be here if it was a waste of my time. i'm here because it's important to me. sharing what i've learned is important and letting you know right now that sobriety for you, karldavid, is possible is important to me. give yourself a shot. no one is going to do it for you. that little voice is just that. it's little and it's just a voice. it can get loud but it's just a voice. it cannot control your actions. you have ultimate control. you have the ultimate choice. empower yourself. it will give you pride. personally, i cannot drink again. not one drop. i don't even have mouthwash with alcohol. i cook with it from time to time but if the taste is there then no more of that. it's not the last drink that gets you, it's the first. when you take that first drink, you've given up your power. but you only have to have power over not taking that one first drink. you only have to exert your will over that one drink. stick with us. hang around here and test the waters some. we'd love to count you as one of our sober members. you've got the desire, you just need to start exerting your will. and i believe that you can. if i can do it, you can do it. and i honestly believe that.