karldavid

Hello guys, I don't really know where to start. I'm here obviously because I have a problem. I am an alcoholic and I'm sick of it. I come from a family of alcoholics, were I learnt at an early age this is how you deal with your problems but obviously it isn't. I have always been a heavy drinker but managed it for a time. Three years ago my brother was killed in a motorbike accident and from that time I haven't been able to control my drinking. Within the last few years I developed a very nasty and bitter altitude and have upset a lot of friends and it seems people don't care anymore, which is understandable. The thing is I am a good person and feel tremendous gilt when I get nasty in drink, which then makes me drink more. Recently my alcohol intake is about 30 units a day and im feeling quite ill. I had pain in my legs for a couple of days, probably due to alcoholic myopathy and today I feel really week. I wish all of this could stop but I can't find a reason why it should. Every morning I wake up, I wish I hadn't.There is much more I could add but I don't want to go on being depresive. Thanks for listening.

mecanix

It can change , you can get sober and work on recovery if you want it enough .

There are lots of stories of experience, hope and knowledge on here , there are several paths to sobriety , why not read about them and try one you think might suit ?

Going to the doctors is probally a good start, if you want to give up, as you can go through a safer de-tox .

DisplacedGRITS

isn't wishing it could stop a good enough reason? you want more for yourself. you yourself said your a nice guy so don't you deserve sobriety? you do. we all do. and it's there. you have to reach out for it though. sobriety isn't going to trip and fall into your life. you have to take the steps. you have to make the call. you have to set down the bottle. our addiction can speak to us and lure us and tempt us and urge us but it cannot control us. in the end, we have the ultimate control. it's up to us to make the hard, sometimes excruciating decision to not drink today. but you are worth it. you are as worthy as i was when i made my first decision to not drink. you are as worthy as i am when i decide to not drink today. you are just as good and just as bad as any of us. you can't find a reason? you're here. you're the reason. that's the greatest reason. when you want sobriety just because you want sobriety for yourself and no one else, you're on the right track. welcome to SR. hang out here and you'll find more reasons to find true sobriety than there are stars in the sky.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

karldavid

Thanks for your replies guys and im sorry to be wasting your time. I did see my GP and we discused it and I got librium. It worked for a while but that little voice, that tells you that can drink came back and im back to square one. I would like to know if any of you guys have lost friends and upset people due to your drinking.

Inca

Hi- you're not wasting anyone's time.

I know what it's like to drink, tick off everyone around you, and feel like there's no hope or reason to wake up in the morning. The feeling of being trapped in yourself is a truly awful feeling. The thing is, you don't have to feel that way for much longer. Even two weeks without drinking will likely raise your spirits and it only gets better from there. Try it (may want to see a doc so you don't go through withdrawals). Those two weeks are tough but when people say it does get better, they are telling the truth. It really does. Stick around here for support and check in often. It's helped me a ton.

covrecover

Over the last 12/18 months my drinking had increased to 80 units a week. Before that I was probably drinking about 50 to 60 units a week with 2 days not drinking.

I was getting swollen legs and a few other minor symptoms. A blood test showed anemia, and a few other problems. Further investigation shows Cirrhosiss. I'm now waiting to find out how bad the cirrhosiss is.

Your drinking 200 units, 2.5 times what I was drinking. You may want to think about what choices you have now compared to those in 6/12 months. Please remember cirrhosiss does not have any symptoms until its become serious.

Cov.

DisplacedGRITS

you're not wasting our time at all. i upset a lot of people. in fact, i lived apart from my husband for nearly 3 years due to my drinking. he didn't leave because if it. he left for what was supposed to be a temporary job that turned permanent. i used the excuse that i was going to renovate our house for sale and stay where i was until it sold. instead, i spent 3 years apart from him and drank constantly. i scared my family so badly that one day, my mom caught me in an especially sorry state, pulled me out of my house, called my husband and within a week i was packed up and moved 1100 miles away to be with him. that didn't stop my drinking but that's how scared people were at me being alone with the bottle. we've spent so much money that we don't have on my recovery i know that has to have hurt my husband in some way but he is very forgiving especially now that i am making such an effort. that's the thing. when you get it, and you will, all your previous efforts are vindicated. you never fail unless you stop trying. we all fall down so many times but we keep getting back up. i don't know many people who were deep in addiction and were able to give up their vice on the first time. when we fail, we can learn and when we learn we grow and we do something different the next time. do try something different. if you fall down, pick yourself up again, learn and try again. just keep trying and you'll never fail. every bruise is a lesson and every lesson gets you closer. don't give up. it's worth it. you're worth it. i wouldn't be here if it was a waste of my time. i'm here because it's important to me. sharing what i've learned is important and letting you know right now that sobriety for you, karldavid, is possible is important to me. give yourself a shot. no one is going to do it for you. that little voice is just that. it's little and it's just a voice. it can get loud but it's just a voice. it cannot control your actions. you have ultimate control. you have the ultimate choice. empower yourself. it will give you pride. personally, i cannot drink again. not one drop. i don't even have mouthwash with alcohol. i cook with it from time to time but if the taste is there then no more of that. it's not the last drink that gets you, it's the first. when you take that first drink, you've given up your power. but you only have to have power over not taking that one first drink. you only have to exert your will over that one drink. stick with us. hang around here and test the waters some. we'd love to count you as one of our sober members. you've got the desire, you just need to start exerting your will. and i believe that you can. if i can do it, you can do it. and i honestly believe that.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Karldavid

You are certainly not wasting anyones time! I can understand where that feeling comes from though, and those feelings that no one cares anymore. And that damn little voice! I felt like I was going crazy because I really wanted to stop drinking but for some reason just kept convincing myself it was a good idea to carry on...Have a look at something called AVRT if you haven't already, that really helped me sort out that little voice.

And I know you can't see a point now to giving up, I was exactly the same. But once the alcohol was out of my system my outlook improved vastly.

I hope you find the help you need here x

Stevie1

(((Karldavid)))
You are not wasting anyone's time here. Yes I lost friends and family and upset people and a lot more due to drinking but that doesn't have to be...and you can fix it. There IS hope.

Zee

Welcome to SR

You are definately not wasting my time I'm always here on SR, bugging people haha!
Alcohol is a depressive and it will always make whatever mood you are in x 10.

In the UK, the Government recommend 21 units for men as safe limit per week with a couple of days off. 14 units for women.

You may be out of the safe recommended limits.
I was on 30 units a day. I'm female.

My liver was not very happy with me and I ended up in hospital for a month.
I started to fill up pretty rapidly with fluid. First in my legs, then all the way up to my diaphram. I know alot about my insides now but I can't give out anything medical.

Have a blood test if you are worried. The liver is the only organ that can regenerate, but you have to catch it early. The doctor can advise the next course of action

MalkavianEmily

Welcome to SR.
You're not wasting our time. Certainly not mine. I dunno how many friends I lost, or how many people I've upset because of drinking, because I've lost most of memories from the age of 18 till now. And the ones I have... aren't nice ones.
And yes, that voice is a pita. I call mine Catherine, for reasons which I don't really understand, and the worst thing she tells me is that I'm ok, that I don't have a problem.
Actually no. The worst thing she tells me is, when I'm talking to my fiance and I say I love him. She tells me that I love alcohol more. And I don't.
But you're in the right place here to get help.

When I first stopped, I was on 12 units a day and going up quickly. [The week before it had been 8.] I'd gone from being a binge drinker to a daily drinker, and was drinking nearly as much each day as I had been at 'events'.
Looking back, I think that it started with an argument with Catherine, except I didn't know that's what it was at the time. But I digress.

You deserve to be sober. But it takes effort. The doctors did nothing for me. I found my help here, and in AA. And yes, at first I was not grateful to be sober. I hated it. I hated me too. But since then... it's got better. And a little easier.
What's your plan for recovery, besides putting down the drink? Because while that's a good first step, you then need to not pick it up again. And that's not easy. I couldn't do it alone, and I nearly gave up trying. But I found it in me to get help.
I hope you do too. Because you're worth it.

MrsKing

Welcome to SR. It's a great place for support, knowledge and experience. It's wonderful to be surrounded by those who know exactly what you're going through and are there, at all times of the day and night, to ask for advice and sometimes, just to talk. Know that you are not alone in this and you can be sober, and live life without alcohol. You don't have to listen to that voice. As has already been mentioned, AVRT helped me endlessly in dealing with those thoughts that drove me to drink. It's given me the power over that voice and those thoughts, and I know now that regardless of thoughts and feelings, I have the power of action and I can make the decision to not pick up a drink. And it's really quite easy, once you get used to it.