For the 15th time, Day 1. How Many Do I Get?
I'm not even sure if it is more than 15 but I have had quite a few now.
A few years back I could drink twice as much and not have bad physical effects the next day. Age and Alcohol are starting to catch up with me though. I feel torn and run down and despite this I carried my daily heavy load at work without missing a beat. I have an Iron Will for work, I just can't seem to transfer that energy to abstaining from Alcohol.
Another disturbing development, I used to eat a good healthy meal every day for dinner regardless of how much I drank. Now when I give in and drink I sit down without a meal and just drink. Sometimes I will barely eat a thing. I always wondered when I would see old drunks at the bar looking rail thin and now I think I am headed there.
I am going to go put a good meal in my belly after this post and take the dogs for a walk. One of the blessings in disguise is that I really can't drink today anyway. I feel too beat up and just want to mellow for a few hours and go to sleep early. Get back on track in the morning with a healthy breakfast and my daily vitamin.
It is this cycle I am stuck in though. I fall back into drinking, it escalates a little each day until I go passed the threshold of what my body can take. I stop drinking because I feel like crap physically and mentally. But, in a few days when my body is on the mend I fear I will get the cravings again.
This time I need to stick to an earlier plan which was call someone who understands and cares. I have refrained from this safety net of a peer to only end up giving in to temptation.
I know this much, I won't drink today and I won't tomorrow. Now if I can just honor my own promise to myself I should be on my way back to sobriety.
If at first you fail, try, try again...
For the damn umpteenth time! Day one...