So most of you know I changed the locks and started a thread asking how I should tell my axbf. I did. Short and sweet and added a "hope all is well". Not sure if that was a mistake because the response I got told me I was unbelievable.
I said I have to move on with my life and so does he and that I was simply wishing him well. That was it until he arrived (while I was at work - which is what I had hoped).
Out of the blue, I got a text in the afternoon with one line that said "by the looks of the boxes, I see you have completely given up." I started crying, right in the middle of work, like a blubbering idiot. I didn't let him know how that upset me and I knew what was happening, knew that "they" know just the right things to say to push your buttons, but it caught me off guard because I - as I'm sure we all here can say - tried so hard with him, for us, did everything in my power to make it work, more than should be asked of anyone, let myself sink to the brink of God knows what, supported the two of us on my income, etc. etc. etc. and he has the audacity to say I gave up. I know, I know, he did exactly what they do. And fortunately, I have an angel at work, who I confided in, and she kicked me in the butt. I kind of laughed because she said things that I know some of you here might have. And I felt better, and stronger, and decided I wasn't going to let him get the best of me.
I did respond before that stating that he gave up on himself and when that happens, a relationship rarely survives.
After leaving work, I got a very long text from him lumping me in with his daughter (she's got her own issues and is wreaking havoc on everyone in the family) and her Mom saying we all gave up on him, how was he supposed to be happy when he's got all of us complaining that he's not doing anything right, losing his job, being told he had to move and trying to get off the vicodin all at the same time. There was more but you get the idea.
I pulled over to read it and I felt a surge of strength almost as if SR was with me. I could hear the various words of advice and all the things I have learned since being here and it all came together to help me recognize what was going on. My friend had called it his "oh sh*t moment" and she's right. He was facing what he must finally realize was his dead end with me -seeing boxes I packed with all his things, not just the boxes he left behind - and instead of accepting that his actions had brought him here, he chose to blame everyone else.
One other thing he did say was explaining why he was the way he was and if I had done half the research I said I'd been doing, I'd understand it and that it wasn't personal the way I'd taken it all this time. I said he was right, I did learn that it isn't personal and I learned that from researching about addiction AND co-dependency so I am where I am because I accepted the unacceptable. But I'm learning from my actions and I pray that you do too.
I may have engaged too much but he didn't have much to say after that and it was done. And even if I did (say too much), it made ME feel good - that I got my own power back by repeating things I'd learned here.
Again, thank you all, for even if you haven't personally given me advice in the past, your words of wisdom continue to help.
