Thank you everyone for the replys, I was starting to think I Posted in the wrong area and was intimidated to repost anything. I will admit I have been so much more at ease with him in rehab, although for a few days I was mad.... Vary mad, like it was finally my turn to loose it because I know he is safe, can't drink, can't commit suicide. I could breath again not worrying about what he is doing. And you are right, I am a ppl pleaser, but mainly just with him and my kids. And I would go back if that's what it meant to make my kids happy. But now I am starting to see that it was not good on them either. When I left my oldest son steped into my role of taking care of his dad the way I had done for yrs. I couldn't get my son to let go and let god, the suicide issue was huge. So that's when I told him I was there for an intervention and he willingly packed his own bag. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I had just spent hours on the phone with my son who had just pulled the gun from his dads mouth and I couldn't let my son go through that...if he looses his dad that way, I know I will loose my son the same way.
Tomorrow is my visit.... Dear lord, please grant me strength.
And as for moving back home, if I don't he will drink again, and them my kids will loose there dad! How is that not mine to own? That to me, is at the end of the day.... Not taking care of my kids. End result, I have to give up peace and happiness in order to protect them.