It is so much easier said than done, but the truth is that we can not make recovery come any faster for our loved ones by coddling them and keeping them from feeling the effects of the choices they have made. In fact, we can delay recovery by our choices we make to help them. Great advice your father gave you, ooops, to support only your good choices. I remember some of the bad choices we supported. Bailing our son out of jail. The first time it happened we told him that he got one free pass out of jail--but we were lying. The second one came, albeit 11 years later, and we bailed him out. It's never too late for us as friends and families of substance abusers to embrace a different way of reacting to the situations our SAs bring to the table. My son is doing much better now that he is not living under my roof. He doesn't ask for anything from his father and me--at the moment that is. That could change at any time. We must remember to support his good choices, not his bad choices. We as family members must look at our choices we make in life and make good choices, too. Helping someone in active addiction is usually not the good choice on our part--it only hinders. Time to wake up and smell the coffee and accept the truth that we can not do or love our addicts to recovery.