Hello, Peaceinthepines. I read your post and can totally relate to the texts, although my son just called on the phone. The texts are better because you have time to think when they are pushing your buttons!
Listen to Laurie6781, she lived it and is our best teacher.
I finally let go of my son after probably hanging in there for 35 years! I did everything but turn blue for him, but nothing changed the situations. Nothing not money, not bailing him out, not covering for him, not replacing stolen property, not rebuying things from the pawn shop before Mr.Dev found out, nothing, nothing! Not even yelling at the warden in SanQuentin!! Nothing changed until one day it finally snapped "I realized there was no changing him, only myself!" I did! I finally let go! When he called with his scary stories of how he needed money or his drug dealer was going to kill him, I had to take a deep breath and say, "that's the consequences of your actions!" So no matter what horror stories he told me, I would just say, I'm sorry, I hope it works out for you, I love you, and hang up!
Finally, when he didn't have me on his side anymore, and he had run out of options, he decided what to do on his own. I almost died when he called from a rehab. He loved it there it was peaceful and he became their handyman. This was his second rehab. The first did not work. This one did I think because they treated him with respect.
In short, stick to your guns. If you do, he will have more of chance to recover than if you continue to help him. Let him fall, let him experience the pain it's his journey, let him walk it.
It will be ok, I promise you. I remember Ann saying that to me, and I thought she had had one too many sodas!! LOL It does happen, it will happen, keep the faith.
Hugs,Devastated