Well, I posted on Friday about my AS and how he was severly depressed and wanting me to call a Dr for him (looking for antidepressants but also Xanax, of course).
Well, then I didn't hear from him for two days. It's been a quiet weekend, though I've often wondered if he was ok.
Well, this evening the texts started (he won't talk on the phone about this and I hate texts) He says he just wants to go back to the state he was living in. Says he will have 20 days clean tomorrow, he doesn't need help, doesn't need a program, can do this on his own, he's not one to back down from a fight,(meaning his addiction), was only really depressed because of 24 hrs w/out sleep, he's doing fine. I tell him hardly anyone beats this sh*t on their own, and then he gets pissed at me and says he can't wait to be clean for years and forget all who have doubted him! I'm so frustrated! It's like talking to a 4 year old!! No, when he was 4 we had a great time together!!
I KNOW I'm supposed to let go, detatch, let him fall, I know this. BUT (and it's a big but), I feel that by just letting him go I'm just walking away from him while he is right in the middle of killing himself, literally. My mother instincts are just screaming "you can't just let him die!!" How can this hurt so bad?
