Just thought a little more about your post and wanted to share something else. It was some time ago, not sure when or why this happened, it was something on Oprah....I remember Oprah saying something like: We all had difficult childhoods, some of us had it much, much worse than others. But now, as adults, we need to forgive our parents for all the "wrongs" of our childhoods because your parents did the best they could possibly do with what they had to work with.
And that was, I think, what started me on the path of looking at my alcoholic dad as a person. No longer just my dad. I saw him as a person with several diseases, including alcoholism, that I had never seen before. Detachment. And all the hurts of my childhood started to slowly melt away. I began to realize that HE did not do these things to me, that all that I suffered was a result of living in a family severely affected by disease. I began to no longer NEED my father to acknowledge my hurts and everything that happened to me. And anyway, he didn't notice it THEN, while it was happening, so what was him acknowledging it NOW going to do? I did not have to live in the past any longer. I could look at me, NOW, in the Present Moment and allow myself to forget the past because no one can change it. Can't turn back time. And so I no longer needed my daddy to fix these things. I no longer needed my dad, the alcoholic, to take the blame for all the problems that each and every one of us had experienced. I began to mature emotionally into a woman, no longer a child. And I could FEEL this happen, I could FEEL myself become more mature. I stood outside myself and saw and heard myself dealing with others with maturity. And I listened to others, including my siblings, and I heard the little children crying out for their parent to alleviate the pain, to take the blame. That is when I began to understand the concept of "Parenting Your Inner Child." And I believe that begins with Acceptance of truth. And we all know, Oprah ALWAYS tells the truth
(((hugs))) much love and understanding coming to you from my heart