My exAH once told me that the only one he ever fought with about and because of his alcohol was me.
I took that on for awhile then I realized a couple of things.
1. I saw him the most after imbibing. I also saw him after the party was over when others were home or not present.
2. That this simply was not true, but I believed him because he said it. He had been kicked out of cars because of his behavior when intoxicated. He was known as drunk exAH by a variety of his friends.
3. It took me a long time (over a year of drinking, two years of knowing him) about his drinking concerns. This is someone I lived with. His family did not see him that often and/or he protected his reputation with them carefully. Just like it took me awhile to put all the red flags together, his family had a number of the flags in front of them but did not put them together for a variety of reasons.
Finally regardless of what he said (or honestly felt)
I did not cause it
I could not control it
I could not cure it
That was for the alcoholic in my life, but also how his friends and family responded to him. That is there stuff...I have enough of my own.