i can tell you, as an alcoholic woman, who is married to a "normie", about conversations we had along these lines. when we got married (we were both in our 40s) i asked him if my drinking bothered him, if he had any problems with it, to which he replied "not unless it interferes with our relationship." what he determined to be interfering didn't always coincide what i thought. anyway, the guilt that i experienced when he was so obviously turned off by my drinking perpetuated the already low self esteem i have had all my life. also, his rejection of me, my drinking, just plain made me feel rejected in my entirety. He was rejecting me as a person, all of me. made me feel like a bad person...again, hello, low self esteem, enter, 8-pack of beer. now, so much for defending my drinking, which isn't what i am trying to do here...i am just giving you a window to how i felt. what my husband could have done for me was to tell me how much he loved me, all the good things he thought i was, and how he wanted for us to have the best life we could, and maybe i could think about getting help. this is a just one woman's personal experience and by no means think that this is the answer for everyone or anyone else. i am sober now 2.5 years and we are married still, and very happy. just a few months ago i had to tell him how his behavior and rejection of me during those times made me feel because i still held resentments towards him because of it. he said he knows now he handled it poorly, but he never looked to anyone or asked for advice. male, female, whatever the case, we are all humans and the basic need for love and acceptance is inherent. all in all, i am thankful God brought a normie into my life and moved my heart, i am thankful for the turn of events that brought me to sobriety, whatever they were and are. God bless you, hug a drunk today.