TJP I am so sorry you are in such a bad place. we all have these "dark nights of the soul" and it sounds like a deep bottom of pain. remember that it is of upmost importance to practice self care. (follow the instructions of English!) in recovery we need to "put on our own oxygen mask first..." what good are we to anyone, especially ourselves and this one precious life, if we are drained of life.
we go through these ebbs and flows. I am praying for your family. I think the suggestions of the Buddhist mindfulness is a good focus as well. I just heard a woman speak who wrote Mindfulness and Buddhism, there are many books on Amazon because Buddhism and Recovery are so well matched...especially one key element: Detachment.
I hope you are feeling better today. Sometimes those waves of sorrow and anguish wash over us. having some tools of recovery, like the gorgeous people who make up this community of SR can help see us through. it is just like nature, we sometimes experience the line drive winds or the tsunami. but if we can anchor down a little and remember what we are in the midst of we can find others who help us navigate.
thank you for being vulnerable...the places you feel broken will eventually let in the light and joy because you are offering up your brokenness and asking for help...all part of recovery. blessings