tjp,
I wanted to join the many others in offering my love and support as you are struggling. One of my favorite (though not often mentioned) slogans is "Fake it til you make it" which has been helpful to me at many times in my life.
I come from a large family (7 siblings) and as I've struggled through times, with my divorce, financial woes, son's addiction, etc. and have spent time with family, there are times where I would have rather stayed in bed, depressed, with the covers pulled over my head. But I used "Fake it til you make it" to get outta bed and go to the family gatherings (birthdays, holidays, whatever) and put a pasted smile on and tried to make the most of it. Sometimes I'd be smiling and nodding, but my mind would be worrying about why my son couldn't be there, or why I couldn't contribute a dish because I didn't have the money for groceries, etc. BUT, sometimes I'd forget for just a few minutes about my worries and enjoy the company of my family.
I don't know if that helps, but it has been helpful for me to TRY to keep up as much "normal" activity for me so that I don't slide into too much of a depressive state. Also, Alanon, Naranon and attending church services help to get me out of myself too.
Much love to you tjp,
Joan