Sober4myboys, you said that you quit drinking while you were pregnant with no difficulties in the least. Not everyone can do that btw, just look at the number of fetal alcohol syndrome victims there are. But, you did do it, and this tells me that you can quit drinking, 'just like that'. At the time, it was a moral question for you, and you decided that to take a drink would be a crime against your unborn child.
Now, it seems as though you don't look at it that way, you give yourself permission to drink now, even though it causes some big problems for you. What would happen if you decided that drinking is no longer an option for you, because you have decided that your children depend on you and need you to be always sober, never even a single drink. What would the result of that decision be?
You can also note that being normal does not mean drinking - not everyone drinks alcohol. Lots of normal people never touch the stuff, never have. You can choose to be one of those normal people if you want. I did. Best to you.