Hi guys,
Again Thanks for the support. This is so great having you guys here. So amazing.
I feel wonderful; it was great to wake up today- on a Sunday morning without the hangover and the anxiety, guilt, panic, and fear that a night of drinking brings forth.
I almost did a little Dex before the meeting to calm my nerves(how pathetic) but didn't- I had some green tea, did some breathing exercises, got there extra early, and didn't have any coffee. I was a little shaky, and my heart was pounding, but I was not as bad as a thought I would be.
You know what, I actually had a good time at the meeting, but also had a lot of thinking to do, and could relate to those fine people. I didn't talk; just listened and tried not to let myself get emotional for fear of loosing it. I accidentally went to the gay meeting- whoops, but everyone was really cool. I am so glad I went. I am going to find another meeting that fits me better. I hope to make some good non-drinking and/or non-drugging friends. I still can't use the "A" word, but I am not going to pressure myself and worry about that for now.
I am not feeling so lonely and pathetic today, but hopeful.
Laurie-- good advice!
I had thoughts about drinking today(probably because I am in a great mood, and my stupid mind tells me that a great mood would be even greater with beer. Any excuse I guess- man oh man... I was complaining about feeling lonely and wanted to drink, now I am in a great mood wanting to drink. Does it ever end? Sorry guys, I am a basket case.
Anyhow, I am going to hang here for a while(that helps) then get my ass out of the house and go to a movie. Then I am going to work on my resume when I get home. I have to keep myself busy. I am going to look into a meeting for Monday night. I fear I may have to spend a lot of nights at meetings this week, probably every night if i can find them. I hope that is not weird.
Again, thank you ,thank you, thank you, for your help
