jstar

Dang I'm so tired of this merry go round. I am taking my 1st step right here, right now as I sit in the hair salon!

I feel crappy, my stomachs hurts. I'm thankful I didn't black out at all over the last week. I'm pissed at myself for thinking it was okay to fill my diet coke can up several times with an alcoholic drink last night when I went out. I'm angry at myself for the situations i've put myself in and the things that i've done to compromise my marriage, my values and my soul.

I am done trying to prove to myself that I can control AND enjoy my drinking. When I control it, it sucks & I just want more. When I don't control it, i'm a complete mess!

I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. I AM READY TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO SMASH THIS ADDICTION THAT IS RUINING ME FROM THE THE INSIDE OUT.

I'm sick & tired of this crap! Why do I keep trying to fool myself??? I feel crazy! I just need to stop, get clean & sober and do the right things.

I love this site & you are all so encouraging and much nicer to me than I am to myself. Thank you!