????? Your husband sounds truly demented. I hope you have people around you to lean on and help you (we like to refer to them as "God with skin on"). Go ask for counseling at your local church--our priests are busy all week long seeing people for counseling and, yes, much of it is related to dealing with alcoholism, substance abuse, and/or mental illness in the family, whether spouses or children.
As far as feeling unworthy to attend church--um, it's filled with broken sinners. It's supposed to be. Just like any other place/institution/organization on earth. Difference is, in a faith community, the people are (hopefully) the ones who realize they're broken, f***up sinners and they're doing their best to surrender to their Higher Power, doing their best to get well, doing their best to help others. Very much like AA, NA, Alanon, Naranon, etc., etc. At least that's the way it is at our church (Episcopal). Actually, as everyone on SR probably already knows, Sam Shoemaker was an Episcopal priest who co-founded AA with Bill Wilson. (You can google it to find out more.)
You have so much on your plate I just hope you do catch a break and soon! You're doing a great job in a crisis.