lizatola

He seems to think that just because he's not getting any nookie that I must be getting it somewhere else. FYI: he wrote all this out and accidentally left it out on the kitchen counter, not sure what he was thinking? Maybe he wanted me to read it? DUH.

Anyway, he seems to think that his marriage is over because I'm not paying attention to him. He just doesn't get it. None of the conversations we've had about his violations of the law, the problems with the DUI, the drinking, etc seem to sink in. What this tells me is that I am actually changing, really changing. For years, I would put up with unacceptable behavior, angry outbursts, depression, anxiety, etc all coming from him and I would continue to give myself to him sexually and I'd write letters of caring and asking for forgiveness for transgressions that I never actually did. I'd apologize for things that weren't even my fault, just to get him to shut up. I used to try to keep the peace, make nice, and placate him by being the peacemaker.

Things have changed. I'm tired of accepting his behaviors and just chalking it up to his issues and him not taking responsibility for himself. I'm tired of having sex just because I felt it was the wifely thing to do. I'm tired of being a doormat.......and he doesn't know what to do with it!

Now, the question is: knowing what I know now, how do I proceed? He obviously is concerned about his marriage even though he won't talk to me about diddly squat right now. I could give him the letter I was planning on giving him telling him I'd go marriage counseling only if he addresses the drinking and only if he gets into therapy with an addictions specialist for 3 months. I also threw out the fact that I heard that AA works wonders for folks who need to give up the drink. I didn't threaten or give ultimatums except to say that marriage counseling is off the table unless he can do those 2 things. I also told him that if he won't do those things then he needs to communicate with me and tell me so, so that I can at least know where he stands.

Of course, I could do nothing. He seems to think that I'm not coming back from Florida. Hmmm, the idea did occur to me but home is home and I need to come back.

Oh, and just to vent today! Here's a story for y'all. My son has a friend who is fighting leukemia and I sometimes share the boy's story with AH. Today I told him of this boy's condition and then I asked him about the former president of his company. This man had moved to a sister company 3 years ago but we still saw him on the company sales trips every year so I've seen this man for 11 years now. We've played tennis together, shared meals together, I've met both his ex wife and his current wife, and I know his children's names. In short, I know enough about him to care about his welfare. So, this guy was diagnosed with leukemia back in April. I asked AH about the man this AM and he says, "Marshall died." Just like that, used a monotone voice and said nothing else. Ummm, when did this happen? "Oh, on Monday or maybe it was Sunday, don't know." So, I said, "Why didn't you tell me?" His answer was to just shrug his shoulders and say nothing. And, he wonders why his marriage is falling apart????? Is he freakin' kidding me? Ok, rant over. Thanks for hanging with me guys! FL is calling me, we fly out tomorrow AM!