Lots the think about here. Every post a winner in its own way. Thank you all.
Frankly just knowing I am not going totally crazy feeling like this made me feel better.
The past is the past. But if I told you what I'd manage to screw up over the past few years I am sure you'd be amazed. But the past is the past and I need to let it go.
Forgiving myself is the hard thing. I do believe in God and I know He will forgive me if I ask, but it's myself I can't forgive. So I just keep beating up on myself.
I'm going to read all the posts again and think. I'll try to be positive.
Thank you, friends.