When my son was home from rehab, he decided what he wanted to do (not go to AA or NA). He had lots of "good" reasons how he was not physically addicted, only mentally and the bottom line was he wanted to continue drinking alcohol so going to AA or NA would have made him "feel" hypocritical. He did attend weekly counseling sessions with a therapist. He convinced his therapist how group meetings were not advantageous to him also. I didn't like it one bit. It did not rest well with me. Along with his lack of motivation to get a job (was too depressed and stressed out to work) and two relapses it was a very long seven months. I received a communication back from an on-line addiction specialist about my son refusing to attend AA or NA. I wasn't sure whether or not my husband and I were enabling him. It didn't feel right that he was not attending any group meetings but we felt we had no leverage in the situation. Here is the response I was sent:
"There should be no negotiating from your son's side, in terms of how he wants to go about his recovery. Those who are serious and desperate enough about turning their lives around, do whatever it takes, even if it means AA or NA and working a 12-step program. It shouldn't be up to him to pick and choose what he feels like doing.
No doubt counseling is helpful ... but there is no way it will facilitate the kind of change and growth that comes from working a 12-step or another spiritual/personal development program properly. If anything it should be used as a tool/aid along with a proper recovery program ... not in place of it.
So by you letting your son effectively call the shots here - you are enabling him. Your message should be, you'll fund x number of counseling sessions/month, provided he actively works a program of recovery. And if it isn't the 12 steps, then there are others out there that are also helpful and work.
So putting together a written contract is definitely a good idea. But decide on a number of counseling sessions a month you can afford ... and then insist that if he wants you to fund those sessions, he's going to have to actively work a program of recovery as well.
You're on the right track, it's just a question of you being the one's putting in the necessary boundaries and expectations in place, rather than letting your son pick and choose doing what suits him."
I hope this helps settle in your mind what you can expect from your daughter if she intends to live with you and you fund some of her expenses. Don't fall for her excuses. That's an addict speaking.