I feel you. Your story is almost exactly like mine. I have 20 years of drinking and I have also not got in direct trouble with law etc. just my personal finances are a mess. I'm still struggling to get myself out of this deep mess.
I try not to look back at things I did. Without them I would not be here with the knowledge I now have in life. And would not be writting to a complete stranger I would like to help ;-)
I'm starting to see life differently, the challenges we face, where created by our higher selfes to learn lessons and grow from them. I now look at the futur with inspiration to be the best I can be. First half of my life half in the bag, the second half sobber and living life the way I was meant to. And eventually die, but I will die proud not for the mystakes I made, but the way I got up from them.
Just my 50 Cents