Coddling, handholding, commiserating, and validating unhealthy thoughts and behaviors, only helps to keep the addict sick…
Ok, i know i am caught in a bit of FOG here with my daughter, but, i found the above post in one of the other threads for parents of addicts....and wanted to see what everyone else thinks.
I obviously love my daughter, have continued to tell her so even when her behavior is VERY unlovable. Her therapist keeps reminding me she is fragile, that her emotional bank account is empty and she needs continuous deposits.... She keeps saying she needs people around her to be positive and help her thru this.
Here is my dilema, i had started reading some of my old posts on a BPD board, (ironic how much mental illness and addiction have in common)...but, i read a few of my posts that had really helped people, i was direct, honest and no b.s....with a twinge of humor...that is who i am...AD (and therpist) seems to want me to be some hand holding, mushy, agreeable, whatever-you-say-dear kind of mom....that is NOT who i am.
Right now AD is refusing any treatment (drug of choice, percoset and probably cocaine and other things), therapy with her regular therapist once a week and "says" she will submit to drug tests, absolutely WILL NOT do any kind of substance abuse treatment, no outpatient, no meetings, nothing. She "says" she has been clean for 3-5 days. But, she is still smoking pot and otherwise self medicating. I KNOW this is a recipe for disaster and relapse (that is if she is not actually still using the other stuff). I've continued to say I love her and want to see her get better, but, that i really think she needs to find some other help. This is of course, in her mind, rude, negative and unsupportive......
i know every addict and every situation is different, but, am i not doing her a disservice if i just blindly support what i know is a dangerous decision to refuse treatment? Can I/should I just agree with her, smile and hold her hand knowing she is setting herself up for a fall?
getting conflicting advice from therapist and what my instincts tell me...
