Welcome to SR Skydivercp...Just try to make it through a day at a time...An hour if you have to..Don't have the first one...And you won't need one. You should look into some kind of recovery program to assist you...Do some reading around the site...Ask questions...And don't drink. You say you don't know why you are here? I'd say an 8 year bender more than qualifies you. Glad you're here.