ChasingJme03

I have been a drinker and the life of the party all through college. My last year in college, I began a relationship with a fellow alcoholic. Now that I think about our year together I have decided that we pretty much just made each other feel better about our nightly drinking and daily hangovers. I moved across the country to Montana for a job after the breakup and I have slipped off the wagon again and I believe it is worse than ever. I do not drink during the week at all (I hate being hungover at work) but usually at 5pm on Friday I pick up a few fifths, drink my fifths in my room alone and average about a fifth per day. I have come to terms that I have a huge problem. I usually don't remember any of the weekend, lock myself up in my room while my roommates try to get me to go out and essentially black out the whole weekend. I really want to become sober so I can go out and hike and have energy. I feel like I am slowly killing myself. There is a huge addiction problem in my family so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I cannot just have one more drink but I have come to terms that I need to be sober. If anyone has any words of wisdom, it would be much appreciated. I work in the nonprofit industry and work with Alcohol and Drug Services on a professional level so I have quite a bit of hesitation to utilize their services for fear of judgement on a professional level. Also, detoxing even though it has only been two days has been hell. I have puked, woke up covered in sweat for hours, didn't sleep a wink last night, I have only had one orange in the last 3 days and have heartburn so bad it hurts to swollow water. I think the sweating and shaking have been my toughest challenges. Somehow (So far) I have gotten through it without a headache. How long did it take people to start feeling better. I miss having energy and laughing. My anxiety is at an all time high. Thank you for reading.