ChasingJme03

I have been a drinker and the life of the party all through college. My last year in college, I began a relationship with a fellow alcoholic. Now that I think about our year together I have decided that we pretty much just made each other feel better about our nightly drinking and daily hangovers. I moved across the country to Montana for a job after the breakup and I have slipped off the wagon again and I believe it is worse than ever. I do not drink during the week at all (I hate being hungover at work) but usually at 5pm on Friday I pick up a few fifths, drink my fifths in my room alone and average about a fifth per day. I have come to terms that I have a huge problem. I usually don't remember any of the weekend, lock myself up in my room while my roommates try to get me to go out and essentially black out the whole weekend. I really want to become sober so I can go out and hike and have energy. I feel like I am slowly killing myself. There is a huge addiction problem in my family so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I cannot just have one more drink but I have come to terms that I need to be sober. If anyone has any words of wisdom, it would be much appreciated. I work in the nonprofit industry and work with Alcohol and Drug Services on a professional level so I have quite a bit of hesitation to utilize their services for fear of judgement on a professional level. Also, detoxing even though it has only been two days has been hell. I have puked, woke up covered in sweat for hours, didn't sleep a wink last night, I have only had one orange in the last 3 days and have heartburn so bad it hurts to swollow water. I think the sweating and shaking have been my toughest challenges. Somehow (So far) I have gotten through it without a headache. How long did it take people to start feeling better. I miss having energy and laughing. My anxiety is at an all time high. Thank you for reading.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, Chasing!

All the symptoms you describe are normal. I went through all that, too. It took me about 3-4 days to get through the worst of it, but longer to begin to feel normal. I'm glad you want your personality back - that's a great sign. For a long time, I thought life without alcohol would be so boring I wouldn't be able to face it. I was so wrong. What was boring was being in a fog all the time.

Glad you are here - things will get better - you're going to do this thing!

oregon250

Well it sounds like you are doing what i did for the last 3 years. My job wouldn't allow.me to drink Mon-Fri as im on call and get called in alot. So i wouldn't drink all week and then binge drink all weekend until i passed out and then fill like **** all day. My medicine of choice was beer and would drink up to a case a day Fri-Sat-Sun. So not only was i getting.drunk i got FAT in the process. That was until 12 days ago when i decided i had enough. I would love to tell you it is easy but its not. For me the hell didnt stop until about day 6 i stopped sweating,puking the anxiety got better and it has gotten better everdayy since. I still have my moments were i want to say screw it but it has went from hour apon hour battle to not drink to just minutes a day were i get the urge. I definetly know i have a long way to go but at the point i was i know that i was looking at dying young and im not ready yet. So keep your head up and know that there are people just like you going thru the same hell and battles you are right here on this board that are willing to help anytime of the day. I log on numerous times everyday just to keep myself grounded. Youve made a giant step in the right direction just doing your first post here. Google "AVRT crash course" it has helped me everyday since reading it. It will get better...

tomsteve

i am very greatful that you see you have a problem. something i believe would help you is desperation. are you desperate enough to do whatever you gotta do to get sober?

IndaMiricale

Welcome aboard

Sapling

Welcome to SR ChasingJme03...You don't hear that one very often...As far as slowly killing yourself goes...That's what you're doing....It's pretty sad there...Locked up in your room drinking...I know all about it. What about AA?...Are you open to getting some support like that?

ChasingJme03

I am open to AA. My big concern would be that I work for a Domestic Violence shelter and many of my clients and their abusers attend weekly meetings. It might be a weird conflict if I showed up and they were there. I also thought about getting a personal counselor but I feel I would do better in a group setting. I wish above all things that I could just have a few glasses of wine and be fine in a friend setting but I know that is not what I do. I have to save my life and I can feel my body deteriating at a very young age. Throwing up blood is enough to scare me into wanting my old life back.

ChasingJme03

Also, thank you for the quick replies and the friendly welcomes. I am a secret alcoholic with no friends who know.. or not that I know of or said anything to me about it so it is nice having a support system to talk about fears about detoxing and bright futures.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here!

tomsteve

there is the possibility that there are meeetings near you that are a lil more discreet and/ or for professionals.

Scolova

Welcome.
Alcoholism runs deep in my family too, it's taken a long time to figure that out, to get the truth about some of my uncle's, aunt's and cousin's deaths (who had died at fairly young ages). The last alcoholic cousin died of cirrhosis in '06 and it took me another 5 years of the daily hell to realize that I was no better than her or the rest, I was the exact same. If I kept drinking at that pace I would surely die by my early 50s as they did, but my 'fate' has taken a turn to sobriety. I firmly believe now that if I were still an active alcoholic during the challenges I've gone through this year, I would have ended my life. I was at a dead-end with the drink, hopeless in almost every way until I gave it up, admitted to myself and my HP that it was over, I didn't 'have' to go through that everyday, I didn't 'have' to drink. Hope was restored in me, a feeling that I haven't felt in a very long time (I'm 41 now) and I ran with it. I don't attend AA face to face meetings, but I do believe the Big Book, AA speakers and the members here played a huge role in my early detox and recovery.
Do it for yourself, if you stumble get back at it and let go of resentment.

BoozeFree

Welcome! I hated the night sweats when I was detoxing! It def gets better, stick with it!

ChasingJme03

Thanks Guys! It is so great to hear stories from those who have already gone through the detox part. I have a feeling this will be a daily struggle but it is always great to see people say it was the best decision of their lives. TomSteve, where in Michigan are you from.

bmjatown1717

Hey there,
I am newly sober as well (a little over 2 weeks) and went through all the same stuff. It gets a little better each day, and once it works itself out of your system, you'll feel amazing!
Also, I know what you mean about running into people at meetings or treatment centers. I'm a criminal defense attorney, and had the same fears. I'm in an outpatient evening program now, and have been to some meetings too. So far, I have not seen anyone I know, and the meetings and program have been very helpful. It may be worth giving it a shot.
Best of luck! Stay strong. Also, make sure you're taking a multivitamin and a B complex each day and staying hydrated.

Sapling

If you can go without drinking during the week...I would think detoxing should be manageable...If you feel it isn't...Seek medical attention...As far as people seeing you in the meetings goes...They wouldn't know how long you've been in AA....You could be an old timer for all they know. Or like Tomsteve mentioned...Find a meeting they don't attend...You can't get better group support than AA...And it's free.

Live2Run25

Welcome Chasing. So glad you told your story. We are all here for your support. It sounds like your body has had enough. You should quit now. you can do it!!!

FredG

I thought I'd only quote this piece as the rest is a lot like what a lot of us here have gone through.

This part resonates with me though. I too work NFP and have close ties with what we call AADAC. Alberta's Alcohol and Drug Service.

If they find out you're a drinker that hasn't sought help, what do you think they'd do? Not sure about where you're from but here AADAC is composed of a huge amount of recovering alcoholics and addicts. It's my experience that they wouldn't judge you, they'd help you. As a matter of fact, MOST modern companies and corporations now have programs to help employees with exactly this issue.

On the NFP side of things, I was at a board meeting one night, got into a discussion with a director and part of my drinking history accidently slipped out. I ended up giving the director advice on a drinking family member. The fact that I'd had the courage to DO something about my alcoholism was applauded.

Takes courage to do something about our alcoholism. Takes courage to go to some sort of recovery program. But the rewards are amazing.